Kill me softly
by wakama
Summary: Illumi is engaged to Miu Sinclair, a daughter of famous assassin family.  The story unravels as their relationship develop and gets more complicated when the members of Genei Ryodan are involved. IllumixOCxKuroro
1. Who is after us?

Disclaimer: Hunter x Hunter belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi

chapter 1

I always had this feeling, that one day; I'll be killed by the person I love the most. What more is that I will willingly accept that fact and be more than happy to be killed by that person. I guess it is better than being killed by someone you don't even know. This thought just suddenly came to me as I was staring at Illumi's bare back. Unconsciously, my hand reached out for his back. I love the shape of his back, the way the muscle lined up. He turned to face me, his eyes wide open. His blank, pitch-black eyes staring straight at me. Looking at it, I felt lost. Usually, people who looked at me had those shocking eyes. And the next minute I know, they are all over me. Flattering like butterflies looking at the sweetest flower.

"Aren't you sleepy? We haven't slept for four days." He asked with an emotionless voice

"Yeah. But I can't bring myself to sleep."

Illumi didn't say anything, but started to kiss me. The usual way we kissed, it started softly and then growing more intense.

"Want to do it again?" I asked him while he played with my bare breasts.

"If you want to" I shrugged.

Then he kissed me again and then he is inside me. There's only a sound of our breathing and we embraced each other. When he finished, I rested my head on his shoulders. I can hear his heart beating. I love this moment after sex. I feel like the muscles in my entire body are relaxed. I touched Illumi's long black hair. It's soft, like a woman's hair. No, more than most women's hair. It's strange that his hair can be this silky.

"Someone is tracking us." He said, his voice void of any emotions

"Yeah. Seems like they've been waiting for a chance to attack. Unfortunately, there isn't one." I smirked and get out of bed to pick my clothes that are scattering on the floor. What a shame, last night we had this wild sex and he ripped off my clothes, I didn't realize it's my favorite dress.

"There are four of them. It wouldn't be much of a trouble."

"True. They are amateurs anyway."

I opened the wardrobe to find two hotel's bathrobe and nothing more. So I really have to wear these outside?

"Hey, do you have any spare clothes?" I asked Illumi who just started putting on his pants.

"No. But you can wear my shirt. It would be big enough to be your dress."

"That's settled then." I put on his shirt and comb my hair carelessly. This is one of those days when I don't feel like seeing anyone. The night after a wild sex. I just feel exhausted. Not counting going on for four days without sleep. But that's unavoidable. It's a job that doesn't really worth the money though. I should have listened to him telling me that this job isn't going to be that interesting and it will not be worth the money. Oh well.

We take the elevator to the lobby of the hotel and wait for the checkout. It seems to me like an extremely long time. People are staring at us. Sure thing, we just came out from a hotel room, me, wearing a man's shirt looking truly disheveled. Illumi is by no means, half naked. It's obvious by looking at us that we just had sex and I'm wearing his shirt. I'm used to the attention, but not this kind. The men had this perverted eyes all over me. I felt sick and just want to hide myself somewhere. So I was making myself as small as possible and stay close to Illumi. Maybe his strong build might be able to cover me a little.

"It's all done. Thank you for staying with us." The receptionist spoke without staring at us directly. She intentionally averted her gaze from us. Her face flushed. Somehow, her act annoys me. So when she handed us this survey sheet thing, I just gave her 1, a lowest rank. I know that seems unreasonable but I don't care. She saw it and looked shock then managed to smile back, only at Illumi. He, as always, being himself, didn't give her any emotional response.

...

I can sense they are very near to us when we left the hotel and it's just irritating to wait for them to attack. I'm starting to get bored of this hide and seek thing. One of them is behind the building of the next block. I rushed to that spot and, without the person knowing, pulled him out from the hiding.

"Why are you following us?" I asked, putting my hand near his throat. These nails are pretty sharp. It is a technique that professional assassins must have. Illumi found another guy and was squeezing information from him too. The other two of them must have left. I don't feel their gaze anymore.

"We won't tell you anything." The guy was pretending to be tough. I can see him sweating.

"That's fine. I can make you spit it out anyway. Even if you're not willing to." Illumi was going to pluck a needle into the man's face, but he suddenly blurt out.

That was a lot easier than I thought. What a worthless piece of trash.

"It's the Mafia committee. They want to us to track down you guys and report on your movement. We don't know anything more than that. Or the reason why we have to do this. It's just one of our mission."

"Are you sure there's nothing more?" I asked pretending to smile at him sweetly. He wouldn't be able to resist it. Since I was born, everybody tend to treat me as someone special. This is because of my looks. I have an extremely attractive face. People would describe me as something beyond beauty. That word can't even sum up for my appearance. But Illumi is different. He never showed any emotions at all and the only comment he ever made about my appearance was that I look beautiful but empty. Not the kind of empty like stupid, but in a sense that I am cold hearted like a soulless person. I find it ironic since that perfectly describes himself.

"The higher ups said that you two are a strong force that must be abolished as soon as possible. We will be sending stronger and more skillful nen users to take down you two. Meanwhile, we have to keep checking your abilities and weaknesses."

"That's all?"

"Yes. That's really all I know." With that sentence, I slit his throat without the least bit hesitation. The other guy watched in horror.

"Please...I..." Before he can even finish his sentence, Illumi twisted his neck and he fell on the floor next to the guy I just killed.

"So they already found out." Illumi said to me.

"But that doesn't make any difference, does it?"

"Right. Sooner or later they will be after us."

"What a troublesome bunch of people."

"If we have to kill every single one of them, it'd be too bothersome."

"Then, let's ask for a few companions."

"Who do you suggest? I don't have any friends though."

"Yes. I know." Maybe the reason I can actually get along with him is because of his extreme introvert personality. I always preferred people who are unsociable. They are less annoying. I only feel stupid, like I belong to a bunch of retards in the middle of a crowd. I hate that feeling. I guess that's why I have been avoiding most parties that my parents urged me to go. Listening to their conversations makes me sick. I'd rather be alone. But it's not like I have no friends at all like Illumi. I mean, having some beneficial friends is an advantage. Besides, I pick only the best ones for a give-take relationship.

I was going to take my cellphone out of my pocket before I completely forgotten that I am only wearing Illumi's shirt. It is a good thing that this street is not so busy. So we are not attracting that much attention.

"You forget this?" Illumi asked after he is satisfied seeing me fiddle with my or rather, his shirt.

"Completely. Thanks" I take the phone from him and skim through my contact list. Which is not a hard thing to do, there's only a few numbers. My family, Illumi and his family, some regular clients, I would mostly delete a client number after the job is finished, so that left me with very few people. The rest belong to, not actually friends, but we have that give-take relationship. A few of them eventually became my friend. Although that's quite rare.

I stopped at the name 'Machi'

She is one of those few friends I have. Machi is a strong nen user and her thread technique is exceptional. She is a member of the Genei Ryodan while I'm a professional assassin. Although we belong in different paths, we still keep in contact. I have helped her in some issues and so did she. Without anymore thought, I dial her number.

"Miu?"

"Hi. Are you busy?"

"Not really, just finished a, I guess I can call it mission." I can hear the background voices of her friends arguing over something.

"Wait a sec, I'll move to a quieter place."

"Ok" I heard a soft thud sound and then there were no more disturbing voices.

"Now, go ahead. What did you want to talk about?"

"I wonder if you can help me out a little. It's to do with the Mafia gang."

"Sure. I'm free anyway. But I'm charging the nen healing thread if you ask me to use it for someone else."

"That's fine." I said sensing someone approaching me from the back. Illumi was quick to respond, throwing his needles precisely at the target.

"Ok. So what exactly do you want me to help about?"

"Me and Illumi had accepted a job that includes killing a number of specific mafia members. They are sending lots of their people after us. You can help take down some of them. That's all."

"Got it."

"I'll contact you later for more details then."

"Ok. Bye"

I turn to face Illumi who just finished talking on his phone too.

"I just called my driver to pick us up. We'll be heading back to Kururu mountain for now."

...

At the mafia's headquarter.

"They have to pay for this." A young man in business suit shouted. His voice made everyone else in the room tremble with fear. A number of important figures in the mafia committee had been killed by the two professional assassins. According to his sources, he had found out who had paid them for this and tortured that person severely. However, the gang is still vulnerable. Fear and confusion took over people in the mafia society. The only choice to bring hope and confident to everyone is to punish those two. He had to find them no matter what.

"What happen to the first group we sent after them?" He asked.

"They are all dead, sir. These two are extremely dangerous. There is no gap that we can attack at all." A small voice spoke up.

Illumi Zoldyck and Miu Sinclair.

They are from famous assassin family. Anyone who heard their names would have shook in fear and ran away without thinking. This is a great opportunity to show everyone that a mafia committee can beat them. If we are successful, we will gain more power and influence too. A good chance that must not be missed.

He had done a background check of both of them and found out they are engaged. What's more surprising was that the Sinclair's status in society is one of the highest he has ever seen. Combine this to the legendary Zoldyck family and they are invincible.

Although this is a tough opponent, he must not hesitate and plan carefully on taking them down.

...


	2. The night of massacre

Disclaimer

Hunter x Hunter belongs to Togashi Yoshihiro.

chapter 2

Kururu mountain

I'm strolling in the Zoldycks' garden, or rather, forest. Illumi is having a discussion with his parents and I decided to be on my own for a while. It gives me time to think.

Even though I have stayed at this place for some time now, there are still lots more mysterious places in the estate. The same goes to my own home. It is so enormous that I myself haven't been to all of the rooms.

I wonder, if I want to quit being assassin, can I really do it? I never thought about doing it though. This is because I'm contend the way I am. I'm born in this dark side of the world and my blood is of pure assassins. Killua, Illumi's younger brother who is expected to be an heir of his family has swayed from the path. Although this bothers Illumi, I don't think it would be that much of a problem. By looking at him, my intuition tells me that eventually he'll come back. He is destined to be in the dark. As I was lost in thought, I sense someone approaching, a familiar footsteps.

"Miu" the silver hair boy appeared from the woods.

"Killua. Welcome back." I said and smile at him. What a coincidence, I was just thinking about him a minute ago.

"I'm back." He smiled and we walk together in silence. Killua is a complete opposite to Illumi. In a different way, I like both of them. It is rare for me to have a liking on someone though.

"Do you ever have any idea what is on Aniki's mind?" Killua asked me all of a sudden

"Mostly, no."

"Seriously? I mean, how can you be engaged to someone like that? He's creepy. You can never know what he's thinking." Killua spoke in an excessively serious tone, which makes me laugh a little.

"Maybe because I want to know more about him. That one day I can understand him."

"What if that day never comes?"

"Then there's nothing I can do about it. Anyway, Killua, you better prepare yourself when your turn comes. Your parents will surely find a match for you."

"Tch. It's not like I'm going to obey and accept whatever they push into me."

"You're in a rebellious aren't you? I miss the old days, when I was your age..."

"Miu, why are you talking like an old woman already? You're 20 right?"

"Yeah. And you're just a kid talking like you're an adult." I smirked at him teasingly.

"Wanna start a fight?"

"Bring it on, kid."

Somehow we ended up fighting, but I was quicker and Killua was lost again.

"Ugh. I really hate losing to you, Miu." He sighs heavily.

"It's way too soon for you to be my match now, Killua. But I can tell you've improved a lot already." I know Killua has this natural strength in him that is very rare. As he grows up, he'll become stronger. He's also a quick learner. His little adventure with Gon must have given him something.

"What's the punishment this time?"

"How about you run around this whole estate naked and shout 'I'm a fucking loser'?"

"Seriously?" He yelled, surprise at my suggestion.

"Of course, I'm joking." I was teasing Killua a little. It was fun, seeing his reactions.

"Join me and Illumi in our little...game"

"What type of game is it?" Killua asked knotting his eyebrow

"It involves killing."

"As expected…By the way, who are we killing?"

"Does it make any difference? You know Illumi and me; we only kill those who deserve to die. Pathetic, useless people who are better off dead." I smiled and took Killua's hand then we head back into the main house.

...

On the top of a tall building, the three figures stood, gazing down at the almost empty streets. At this time of the night, most people would be sleeping already. Miu took out her mobile phone to check the time and close it carelessly.

"Machi is late." Miu spoke to Illumi who is standing next to her. His long raven hair swayed with the strong breeze. He observed his little brother, Killua, attentively. There's no doubt Killua is the most important thing in Illumi's life. He holds this twisted love for his brother that's hard for other people to understand.

"If she doesn't come, we can take them down anyway since Killu has offered his help."

"Oi, Aniki! I didn't have any choice. I was forced to come by your fiance."

"Miu, should we separate or stay together? What do you think?" Illumi completely ignored Killua's protest and instead divert his attention to Miu's breathtakingly beautiful face.

"Let Killua and Machi separate, but we should stick together. Make them think there's only a two of us. They will focus all the attention on us and then Killua and Machi can attack them from the outside."

"Hey. Why are you guys ignoring me?" Killua yelled noisily. Miu laughed at his child-like personality.

"You're such a baby, Killua. You feel lonely because your aniki is ignoring you?" Miu teased and pat Killua's soft silver hair. His hair feels like a cat's fur. Now that I think about it, both Illumi and Killua resemble a cat.

"No. That's not i-" before he can finish his sentence Illumi said

"Really? There's no need to be shy about that." and he put his hand on Killua's shoulder.

Even though Illumi is joking, his expression never changes. It is scary.

"Hey, Miu." A young woman's voice is calling Miu's name. She has long blue hair tied in ponytail and dressed in traditional Japanese kunoichi outfit.

"Sorry I'm late. I got caught up in a little trouble."

"Don't worry."

"Ah! You're the kid from that time!" Machi pointed her finger at Killua.

"The woman with nen thread?" Killua exclaimed. The incident at Yorkshin town was still engraved in their memories.

"So you guys know each other. That's good then."

"Miu, you're friends with those phantom troops?" Killua asked, staring hard at Miu.

"Well, yes. Some of them."

"What relationship do you have with this kid? Your son?" Machi asked half joking.

"What the hell? No. He's my fiancé's brother. That is Illumi Zoldyck, my fiancé" Miu glanced at Illumi's direction.

"Oh, now I remember. You mentioned him earlier on the phone."

Machi walked swiftly at the long hair guy and introduce herself.

"I'm Machi."

Illumi looked at the young woman in front of him with his usual cold stare and nodded his head.

"Shall we get started then?" Miu suggest with a slight smile at the thought of killing. Her huge emerald eyes glowed especially bright tonight. You can feel they gave off wicked vibes.

...

Killua is moving quickly, killing his enemies with an assassin technique. He doesn't even have to use his Godspeed mode and electricity.

"This is boring." Killua said to himself not bothering to wipe his blood stained hands.

I wonder, what is Gon doing now? He must be with Leorio and Kurapika. Although I wanted to be by his side, I'm not suited for him. Our lives are far too different. Gon wouldn't be killing people mercilessly like this. He would value human's life more.

Killua increased his walking speed a little as he sense someone following him.

"Come out. Let's play." He stopped and spoke to the anonymous person.

"So you finally found out, huh?" A tall guy in sunglasses appears, even though it is nighttime. This is weird, Killua thought. This guy spoke as if he has been following me for a long time although I have just noticed his presence a while ago. My senses aren't sharp enough? Or is it that he is different from all those people that he killed. Maybe this is a worthy opponent.

"What are you doing here, kid? Killing these people..."

"None of your business."

"Well, I have no time to waste with you, there's someone else I have to get rid off, so I'm going to make it quick. Your life will end soon." He said, scratching his head leisurely. This person is too full of himself. It'll be his weakness. I've already charge electricity at full level. There's plenty to defeat this person.

"Hm. I'm not so sure about that."

The guy took out several small knifes. He threw them swiftly at Killua without stopping. He seems to have some skill in this because his movement is really quick. I can use Godspeed but it will end too quickly here. Might as well give him time to boost his confident before he dies.

"You can't keep on avoiding my attacks forever." He said with a big grin. At that instant, Killua purposely let himself get cut with a knife. Maybe this will make things more fun.

"Ha! Now you're trapped. My nen knife is filled with a poison that even a little can kill normal humans immediately. Your bleeding will also be unstoppable."

What a stupid person; to think that I'm just a mere human. Killua used his Godspeed to quickly lay his finger near the man's throat. His fingernails became increasingly sharp.

"Impossible! How can you still move?"

"I'm not your normal human. This poison won't affect me."

"Who are you?" He asked, trembling in fear. Somehow this kid is emitting an extremely scary aura.

"Killua Zoldyck"

"What? You're with Illumi and Miu...The people who killed our leaders."

Killua's face suddenly became sinister. It sent chill down the man's spine.

"Enough babbling." With that, Killua shot him by releasing his electricity nen.

"Nooooooo" He screamed in him pain and died a few seconds later.

This guy surely overestimates himself. With only skills like this and he's hunting Aniki and Miu, he's just going to get himself killed. Even I, who is much weaker than those two can defeat him, he won't last a minute facing them.

Well, seems like there's no one else around here anymore. I should be meeting them at that place soon.

...

The sound of gunfire echoed throughout the streets. Hundreds of men are circling Illumi and Miu. They had their back on each other.

"Kill them!" A man ordered his men to surround them and continuously attack them.

"It's a pity, to be killing someone as beautiful as that." One of the men said to other people and they all stopped. Every eye turned to stare at Miu's ravishing face. She simpered and that enough remove the motivation for them to kill her.

"Don't be fool by that woman. Remember that she killed our leaders. Don't ever forgive her." The commander shouted, fighting his own urge to surrender that minute. Don't worry. He calmed himself. There are some nen users in this crowd and he was given an order that two more will be arriving soon.

Miu's emerald eyes changed color into bright blue. When her eyes change color, she can make anyone who stares at her turn into stone. However, there are some limitations to her ability. If the opponent has a strong and stable emotion, this won't affect that person.

With this special nen ability in active, most of the opponents have already transformed into stones without realizing. Miu's killing aura spread widely.

"What the hell happened?" The leader of the group was shocked. He had never seen something like this. This woman is too dangerous. Most of the men were turned into stones but him and some of them are still remaining. Why is this? There must be some restrictions to her power. Even though he tried to analyze the situation carefully, Miu's aura was making him losing his nerves. It was an extremely powerful and horrifying aura.

Miu walked leisurely towards one of people who was transformed into stone and used her long slender legs to kick it, smashing that person into pieces.

"Stop!" The man cried out. But before he can say anything more, Illumi had thrown the needles at him, causing him to fall onto the ground. His face distorted and he was crying out in pain.

"I'll clear out the left over people." Illumi said in an emotionless tone and took out more needles.

"Please do." Miu answered while shattering the stone people mercilessly yet elegantly.

…

This is my first time writing a fanfic and English isn't my native language so I'm sorry for the incorrect use of grammar.

Thank you for reading anyway.


	3. Facing the past

"Now, who should I kill first?" Illumi said this to himself while walking towards three people who are left standing.

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway, since you will all die soon." He seems to have come to a conclusion himself and quickly threw his needles at one of them. Then he slashed that man's throat without any hesitation.

One of the two remaining created a smoke and he vanished with Illumi inside the cloud of smoke.

"Inside this, you can't use your nen abilities against me as you wish. Now, it's your turn to die." The man said confidently.

"You misunderstood something here. Without my needles, I can kill you in just a few seconds." Illumi's blank cat-like eyes glared intensely at the man's face.

"Wha-" Before he can even finished his word; Illumi extracted his heart and squeezed it at that instant.

The smoke vanished and he is now face with one remaining person, judging from the situation, he had nothing left to do. Miu had already destroyed all the people who were turned into stones and is now clutching the remaining man's throat. She turned to look at Illumi and dropped the man on the floor. He breathed heavily, trying to suck as much air as he could.

"Want to finish him off?" Miu asked.

"Never mind. Just kill him"

The man was trying to get on his feet and run, but he was too slow. Miu quickly slit is throat and his lifeless body fell onto the ground.

"Let's go." Illumi said and they both disappear without any trace leaving only dead bodies behind.

…..

The dim streetlights reflect Miu's porcelain skin as she is playing with a small white cat. It purred softly, completely trusting the stranger's gesture, patting its head and body.

"It's so soft. I can't stop stroking." Miu grinned, watching the cat's black wide eyes stare back at her. It reminds her of Illumi's dark eyes.

"Don't you want to play with it?" She asked Illumi who is standing next to her, reading a message from his mobile.

"No." He replied, not even taking a look at the furry cat.

"You don't like it?"

"It's not that I like or not, I'm just not interested in touching it."

"That's a pity. Cat is the best creature in this world. It doesn't complain and believe in you completely. Besides, it can't lie, the exact opposite to humans."

"I guess that's true."

"Now that Killua's back. What are you going to do?"

"The same as it has always been, before he left. Train him, give him some individual jobs and maybe joining with father and me."

"Something must have happened between him and Gon. Or else he wouldn't have come back this early."

"Maybe. But this turns out better than I expected. Killu will realize that friends aren't forever, when you fight, that's it. The relationship breaks apart. But with family members, that's different. Even though he can hate me, he'll never be able to cut ties with me. We have the same blood, a bond has been shared between us and as much as he wanted to, he can't kill me, his older brother."

"But can you kill me?" Miu stared intensely at Illumi's pitch black eyes.

There was a short silence between them and Illumi seemed to be lost in his thought.

"Are you taking time to think because I am hard to kill? Or is it because you don't want to kill?"

"Both. I don't want to kill you because that would be a waste and in order for me to win, maybe I have to fight until I almost die too. That wouldn't be worth it, there's too much trouble and I don't have any reason to kill you either."

"I wonder how my death will be like. I wouldn't want to die with old age. I'd rather die in a fight with you, Illumi. It'd be fun."

"If that's what you want."

We stop talking as we sense that Killua is coming. He appears, looking bored. Something in Killua has changed since he came back. Miu thought to herself. Although he tried to act as usual, there is a hint of melancholy in his eyes, like a cat whose owner had left astray.

"There you are. I bet that was too easy, right?" Miu smiled at the silver hair boy who just shrugged as a respond.

"Are we going back now?" Killua asked.

"Yeah." Illumi answered then patted Killua's head and added "Good job today."

"Illumi, tell Kikyo for me that I won't be eating dinner tonight. I'm going to meet up with Machi after this."

"Sure. Oh, I will be away for a few days since I've got a new job coming up."

"Ok. See you later then."

….

I feel so much better at nighttime. Somehow, the deserted streets calm me. Maybe it's because I also hate sunlight. I quickly walked through the vacant streets, heading to a café that I promised to meet Machi.

It wasn't hard to spot her since the place was almost empty and her blue hair with the powerful nen aura was something I wouldn't miss.

"Want to order something?" She asked, handing me a menu

The waitress in a simple black and white uniform was waiting for my order.

"Salad and coffee, please."

"Got it." She said and I gave her the menu then she left.

Machi took out a cigarette and light it then offer one for me, which I gladly accept.

"I was surprised that you're engaged." Machi spoke casually while smoking her cigarette.

"My parents want to keep exerting the influence of the Sinclairs and the best way would be to join with the Zoldycks. They are a famous family of assassin like us. Besides, don't you think Illumi is interesting?"

"Sometimes you remind me of Hisoka."

"Hisoka?" Somehow, that name sounds really familiar. Like I've heard it before from someone close to me.

"He used to be a member of us." Machi's expression suddenly became tense when she mentioned that name.

"Well, how am I similar to him?"

"You see this world as a game. Those around you are just pawns and the people you won't kill are those interesting enough to keep you entertained. But he's more extreme. You still have the strict side that will do what you think should be done."

"So he's the type that would play with his pawns more?"

"I guess you can put it that way."

The waitress came back with a bowl of salad and hot coffee. Then walked away saying we can ask her for anything more.

"Anyway, I want to ask you something. It's about Killua." Machi said in a more serious tone.

"What about him?" I ask, sipping the hot coffee and add three sugar cubes.

"He was connected to someone who removed Dancho's nen and killed one of our members."

"Go on."

"I want to track down that guy. Can you find out about his whereabouts or any clue where he can be?"

"I don't really know what is Killua's relationship with that guy so I'm not sure he will tell me. And even if he's willing to tell, I don't think he knows. Besides, I don't want to do anything that would trigger my smooth relationship with Killua, at least for now."

"That's fine. I understand your position."

"Thanks. If you need anymore help on something you can always tell me." I said that without expecting it to turn out into something I want to avoid the most.

"Just, meet Dancho….Or at least call him." Machi's voice trembled as she said this. Her golden eyes reflect a glimpse of sorrow.

I didn't say anything to her remark. My mind went blank for a while.

"I don't know what happened between you two, but you both know it shouldn't end like this."

"But Chrollo didn't contact me either."

"That's because he knew you were engaged to Illumi isn't it?"

"…." I can't find a right reply for this. It's true that considering the situation, I should be the one who makes the first move.

"Sometimes you should lower down that dignity of yours. We both know Chrollo is not just a pawn in your game, Miu."

"Yes, he is a pawn. But a special one indeed."

"Then better treasure that pawn."

"I'll try." I said and she looked a little relieve. I know Machi is very loyal to Chrollo and will always stay by his side and support him. Obviously, she must have seen that how I parted from chrollo had changed something inside him. Maybe that applies to me as well. Although I don't think I've let myself been vulnerable enough to show anyone what I really feel inside.

I ate my last piece of cabbage in the salad bowl and sense a strong nen aura from someone outside the café, near our seats.

"It's Feitan." Machi said and pointed at a small guy with dark blue hair and narrow eyes that gives off sinister feeling. He covered his mouth and nose with scarf imprinted in skull. He stood at the window, looking directly at us.

"I need to go now." Machi spoke and quickly hurried off her seat.

"Bye." I shouted after her disappearing back.

…

I managed to open my mobile and go through my contact list, Chrollo Lucifer. I paused at that name and pressed dial. I still have no idea what to say when he answers the phone. Yet, I hold on to it, hoping he'll pick up. Somewhere in my mind, I must have thought that clearing this mess up is the best solution after all.

"Miu?" Chrollo answered. His voice is clear but confused. He must question why I call.

"How are you?" I asked, not knowing what else to say.

"I'm doing fine."

"Glad to hear that."

There was a short moment of silence between us.

"Did something happen?" Chrollo asked.

"No. Why?"

"I was just wondering why you called." He must be. After all I'm the type of person who would call someone only for a solid purpose, not just some random chitchat.

"Oh. I was thinking that we need to talk…"

"Actually, I was thinking the same thing." I was relieved at this. I realized I was afraid that he had settled in his own way and I will be the only one left with regret.

"Should we meet somewhere?"

"Yeah. How about at the spiders headquarter tomorrow at 3? I'll be alone there since everyone else will be out doing their missions."

"Sure."

"You still remember the way?"

"Of course. Don't underestimate my ability to remember. Besides, it's not like I've been there only once."

"Sorry. My bad." He laughed a little at my response, which makes me more relax.

"So, see you then."

"Yeah. I'm looking forward to it." With this, the line ended. Talking to Chrollo might have restored something that was missing inside me. We were really close and got along pretty well. It was hard for me to find someone I really care about. People always say I'm cold-hearted.

They say 'what a pretty girl, it's a pity she's so ignorant. She must be thinking that she's above everyone else.' I've come to hate social interactions. I loathe society and what it expects from us. That was why when I met Chrollo, for the first time, I felt like I could relate to someone. He is extremely independent and does things in his own way. The society condemns him, but they couldn't catch him.

…


	4. First encounter

As a little girl, I was quite strange. There was only one thing I love doing. Reading books quietly in my own room. I never really enjoyed playing with other kids because I was an outcast. I stayed that way until I was 12. That age was a turning point in my life because I have come to realize a gift I was born with.

My appearance.

My mum had always adored me since I was young. But as I grew up, I noticed the way people look at me. As if seeing a rare creature, they all just gather around me.

At first, I was surprised by how easy people can be manipulated. Then it got boring. Very boring. The more people push those expectations at me, the more I want to disappoint them.

I remember that stormy night when I was 17. My mum took me to one those high-class parties. It was tiring. I had to listen to all the bullshit about other people's lives that I don't give a damn about.

I scrutinized to room, hoping to find a small corner where I can be by myself. Unfortunately, there isn't one. Every corner was packed with people. I managed to slip away from my mum and left the room.

It was very quiet outside along the corridor and with nothing much to do, I decided to explore this building.

I opened a big wooden door, which turns out to be a library room. The shelves are full of antique books and the smell of old book permeated the air. Perfect place to spend my time, I thought to myself as I was trying to find a small corner where I can sit and read comfortably.

Suddenly, there was a black out. I stood very still, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. I sense someone approaching me, however, I can't see so my only chance is to wait for that person to attack me and then I'll grab him.

My neck was firmly locked, so I use my elbow to punch his stomach. I'm pretty sure it was powerful enough because the grip on my neck was slightly loosened. I use that moment to push myself outside his clasp. My eyes have become accustomed to the darkness, so I was able to see where he is. This person isn't one of those average people. I knew it from his aura. This might be quite challenging.

Our eyes lock and we run towards each other, I attempt to take out his heart, but he is, no doubt, strong. He aimed at my neck but he missed it, causing my shoulder to bleed and I think it's also broken while I can only break his rip.

Suddenly, the light comes back and we took a second to adjust our eyes to the bright light.

With the light on, I can see him clearly. He looks like he's in his early 20s with short black hair and black eyes resembling his hair. There is something charismatic about him, something that bound to attract other people. The same way others are attracted to me, we share this quality that enable us to easily manipulate people.

"You're not Shion Van Kamp" He said and walked towards me shortening our distance.

"No."

"She should be here."

"I don't know who you're looking for."

"Why are you here?"

"I just wanted to find a quiet place and then you came out of nowhere to attack me. I had to defend myself."

*Pip pip*

That was the sound of my cellphone. It startled both him and me. I opened it to find my mum's message.

_Miu, you should get out of this building as soon as possible. I've just killed my target, the daughter of Black Van Kamp, who, as you should know, is the host and owner of this building. Now everyone is in chaos. I wanted you to enjoy the party so forgive me for keeping it from you, okay? By the way, where are you anyway, the building is going to be in a security lock anytime soon so if you're still inside, you're in big trouble._

_I'm going home first so see you later._

"Shit" I swore when I finished reading her message. I'm sure this is one of the games she put for me again. To be a Sinclair, you must be able to break through one of the highest security building. This is just one challenge she's testing me.

"Did you say you're waiting for Shion Van Kamp?" I asked him.

"Yes."

"Well, she just died."

"How did you know?" His expression remained calm.

"My family is a professional assassin and my mum was assigned her as a target. She killed her just now."

"Oh. That explains it."

"Are you trying to abduct or kill her too?"

"Not exactly. But you put up quite an impressive fight."

"Hmp. The same goes to you. Rips broken?"

"Yeah. How about you?"

"My shoulder…" I said and pointed at it.

"What's your name?"

"Miu Sinclair."

"Oh. I've heard the rumors about the Sinclairs. No wonder you've got fighting skills."

"Who are you?"

"Chrollo Lucifer."

"The leader of Genei Ryodan?" It would be impossible for me to not know about them. They are the most famous bandits out there. My parents also warned me about how dangerous they are.

"Yep. That's me." He spoke casually.

"Oh. I should've told you sooner but this building is closing itself down. If we don't hurry we'll be lock up in here."

"Too late. Look. The security had already been activated." He pointed at the door. I noticed a metal lock has emerged. I looked around the room to find any camera, but there isn't one.

"Do you know if there are any cameras outside?" I asked Chrollo who is now sitting at a chair near him.

"Yes. They only place cameras outside."

"Why?" It seems strange for a highly equipped security building.

"Because they know that once the intruders have exist the room and enter the corridor, they'll be dead. Nothing's happening in here, but once you go outside, you'll understand why people respect it as a building with the highest security."

"You sure know a lot. Planning to steal something here?"

"Yes. But it's not possible now."

"Because of Shion Van Kamp's death?"

"You're right."

"Since you know this place a lot more than me, what plan do you suggest we use to get out of here?"

"The best time to come out of this room would be in the morning."

"So we have to spend the night here?"

"Yes. But if you can't wait, you can go out now. Although it will be a lot more risky."

"That's fine. It's not like I'm in a hurry or anything." I'm actually curious to see if he'll show his special nen abilities. I have a feeling that he is a specialization type. All the more reason to wait.

"I have a few members of Genei Ryodan who standby outside. They'll make our escape somewhat easier."

"Why are you helping me?" I can't help wondering about it. There's no benefit from this, is there? I'm sure he can manage all this by himself.

"Since we're stuck in here together, I'm not that heartless as to leave a beautiful lady like you alone." He smiled charmingly.

"Then I'm honored to get help from someone as famous as you." I said in a mocking tone and snorted. I'm quite sure someone like Chrollo must have a plan in mind. This might be a part of his elaborate plan, so I better be careful.

"By the way, your wound, had it stopped bleeding?" Chrollo asked and patted at the chair next to him as a sign for me to sit there. I walked over to sit next to him and let him examine my wound.

"I feel like a dog." I said

"Why?" He smiled amusingly.

"No one had ordered me like that before. The way you told me to sit here."

"Then you're a very lovely dog." He brushed my hair from my face. It startled me so much that I automatically snap his hand.

"There. There. Don't bite. Good girl." He laughed and patted my head. I punched him the same place where I had broke his bones. Serves him right for mocking me.

"Ouch. Stop biting. Why are you so angry with me? I'm just trying to help."

"I'm not a dog, okay? Keeping pulling that act and I'm seriously going to punch your rip again. This time I'll make sure all the bones are broken."

"Haha. Okay. Now turn around and bark."

"Wolf! Fuck this shit." I shouted and pushed him off his chair. But he pulled me down too so I kind of stumbled on top of him.

"Hey, are you ok?" I asked, shaking his shoulder.

"My rib…."

I unbutton his shirt to find a large bruise on that area. It looked quite serious. You wouldn't even be able to move freely with this injury on an average person.

"Sorry." I apologized since I was making it worst for him. I punched him twice and pushed him once so I should take some responsibility. I'm actually surprised that he'd be so kind as to examine my wound for me.

"Can you sit straight? Or is it better to lie down?"

"Lie." He answered.

"You should get some sleep." I suggested and helped him lie down at a corner, which seems comfortable enough.

"Aren't you sleeping?"

"I'm fine. I have been trained to stay awake for days."

He nodded and closed his eyes.

"Goodnight, Miu." His breathing became tranquil. Outside, the storm still continued with occasional lightning.

Thinking back now, my first impression of Chrollo would be how he easily let himself off guard and tease me just like that. Maybe I shouldn't have let him mock me so easily since after that night, it has become his habit to tease me.

...

My legs are walking so fast without me noticing that by the time I've stopped, I already stood in front of the Genei Ryodan's headquarter before the time. I was going to step inside, but I saw someone else coming out. He gives off an impression of a magician from looking at his clothes and makeup. I must say he has a very unique taste. I noticed he had wounds and blood all over his clothes. Despite his injuries, he looked excited, like a wild beast lusting for more.

Our eyes met for a moment and he smiled sinisterly, licking blood from his lips. Chrollo said he'd be waiting for me here, so they were fighting? But something must have come up that cause them to stop the fight temporary. From the look of it, this man is still unsatisfied.

I hurriedly ran inside to see Chrollo.

Not because I'm worried about his safety. Someone like him won't die so easily.

But because I have realized my terrible mistake. I wasn't there for Chrollo when he was the most vulnerable.

At that time, when he lost his nen, I didn't stand by his side. I felt guilty, that's why I wanted, more than anything, to see him.

I wanted to see Chrollo.

And this time, I will make it up to him.


	5. Reunite

Sorry for the late update, I've just finished my finals so here's the new chapter.

Enjoy!

...

At the Genei Ryodan's headquarter

A young man in fur coat sits by himself; his favorite coat was torn and covered in blood. Despite all the wounds, he didn't seem to care at all. His mind was off somewhere else. He still remembers clearly, the day he first met Miu.

She was wearing a golden glittery dress dragged on the floor with her long blond hair curl beautifully. She has a small oval face with curvy lips. Her big emerald eyes give off a mysterious eerie feeling. It makes you wonder what is on her mind. Even an immaculately crafted doll could not have been this beautiful. Once you see her, you'll never be able to forget her.

There was something abnormal about her, it makes you feel frighten, behind that beautiful mask, what kind of person is she? Chrollo found himself wondering since the first day he saw Miu.

As time passed, though, he had become close to her.

Chrollo has learned that she was surprisingly honest. Easily pissed off. Had a bit of child-like personality. Yet still remained calm amid an unexpected situation. And will turn serious with her job. Killing ruthlessly.

People say you don't know what you've got until it's gone. But to me, I've known all along but never thought that I'll lost it.

Even though we didn't see each other for a while after she went to live with the Zoldycks, just her phone call was enough to restore all those memories and feelings back to him.

Back in that time, their relationship was somewhat, vague. They both didn't want to have a girlfriend or boyfriend, but it's just that they needed each other and that alone was enough.

That's why when Miu was engaged to Illumi, he couldn't say anything. There was something between them yet there was nothing.

"Chrollo!" Miu appeared in simple black velvet dress. Her long blond hair is tied into a ponytail. It is a strange and refreshing sight since she almost never tied her hair.

"Who is the guy that just left?" She asks and sits next to him.

"Hisoka. He used to be a member of us."

"Oh. Why didn't you finish the fight?"

"You should know why." Chrollo gave her a disapproving look.

"What…?"

"If I have to finish the fight, would I be talking to you now?"

"Oh. So you stopped the fight for me?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks. Actually, I thought you might not want to see me again."

"Then I wouldn't go through all the trouble of convincing Hisoka to stop."

"He seems interesting, I would like to watch you guys fight though."

"I'm not sure you can do that. I imagine you'll get too excited and end up joining the fight."

"You know me too well!" Miu giggled.

"Anyway…About today…"

Then the two of them fell silent for some time.

"I'm sorry." Miu finally speaks.

"I wasn't there for you. When you lost your nen. I know that you'd be strong enough even without it. But it scares me, to think that the same thing happens to me…I can't even imagine how insecure I would be…"

"It's ok, Miu. I've got it back now." He brushes her soft silky hair gently.

"Can you forgive me?" She looks like she'll burst into tears any minute.

"If I say I can't?" He feels like teasing her a little bit.

"Jeez. What do you want then? Fine. I'm never going to see you ever again. Just fuck off and die." Miu shouted in anger, trying to suppress the tears that swell up in her eyes.

"I'm just joking. Of course, I forgive you. I never really blame you from the start anyway." Chrollo patted her head tenderly. His fingers trace her face from her cheek to her small curvy lips. One hand around her waist, he pressed his lips against hers. Miu tensed up at his warm lips. She resisted for a little then decided to give in. Their tongues entwined with a regular sound of breathing. It is a captivating and passionate kiss mixing with flavor of blood. They both didn't know when to stop. Chrollo casually unzipped her dress, revealing Miu's cleavage. He kissed and sucked her neck. She moaned softly, responding to every touch. He unhooked her bra while her hands wander to his coat pulling it off revealing Chrollo's fresh wounds.

"I forgot about the wound." She gasped and touched it, there are still some parts that hadn't stopped bleeding.

"It's no big deal anyway."

"But I think you should stop the bleeding at least."

"That can wait." He wrapped his arms around Miu's half-naked body and buried his face against her neck.

"I'll clean your wound first." Miu still insisted and she yanked his arms off her.

"It's not necessary…"

"Just shut up."

Chrollo gave up on protesting and watched, as Miu get dressed. She walked swiftly to get the first-aid kit from a corner of the room.

"You almost never used this right? It's as new as ever." She opened the box and took out the necessary items.

"Yeah. Mostly we can use Machi's thread to heal."

"Her nen sure is useful." Miu commented while applying medicine on Chrollo's wounds and covered them carefully.

"Are you still talking to her?"

"Yes. There's no reason not to."

"How is it…with the Zoldyck?"

"It's great. They are…interesting." A small smile spreads across her face as she thinks about this bizarre assassin family. They are like her family now and truth is she never really liked the Sinclairs family anyway.

"Even if you're engaged to Illumi, we can still see each other right?"

"Of course."

"Are you serious with him?"

"To an extend, yes. Though it's not like we are entirely committed to each other like normal couple."

"So then, what exactly is our relationship?"

"Friends? I don't know."

"Friends don't kiss or have sex."

"That's what I'm saying, I don't know."

"Well, do you wish to stop it?" Chrollo gave Miu a subtle smile, raising her chin with his hand. He stared at her beautiful face, her green eyes glimmering. There was something very inhumane about them. He desires her so much to the point that he wants to crush her.

"No."

She hates to admit it, that she also craved him from deep within her; she wanted him to touch and explore every corner of her body. But this isn't love, is it? It's more like lust or obsession. Nevertheless, she can't say clearly if she loves Illumi or not. Maybe she can't love anyone after all.

Chrollo pressed his lips against her again and again. They enveloped their body together as if to substitute those times that they were apart. The feeling of desire and lust washed over them and it was clear that neither want to stop.

Let us succumb into the depth of darkness, where no light can shine through.

Where the sound of laughter can never ever be heard.

...

A/N

I feel like Chrollo is really OOC, I have a hard time writing him. Let me know what you think, please review:)


	6. The start of a plan

Disclaimer

Hunter x hunter belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi

A middle age guy walked proudly out of his car. Several bodyguards quickly followed him. They were ready for anything that might harm this man. They entered the hotel and took the elevator. A few minutes later, a stout man with excessive accessories, desperate to show off his wealth went into the hotel. He was also guarded by a bunch of men in suit.

While all of this happened, two people were observing them heedfully.

"Which one do you want?" The man asked emotionlessly. His eyes seemed like they don't to reflect any light. They looked lifeless.

"I'll take the fat one." A young woman's voice answered straightaway. Her nails suddenly turned longer and sharper.

"Fine."

Then in the blink of an eye, both of them disappeared.

...

Illumi's POV

The two men were negotiating in a room too large for only two people and a few bodyguards. They were separated into 2 groups, waiting outside and protecting the boss closely.

Then, without anyone noticing, I struck my needles at one of the men sitting.

"A..Aghhh" The man cried in pain. The more he suffered and struggled, the more his face was distorted into some grotesque form. I wish there is some ways I can make them die quicker with my needles. I don't take pleasure in killing people. It's just a job, and the quicker they die, the better. But I couldn't care less if the method is painful or not, as long as it doesn't cause a ruckus.

"Don't worry. You won't suffer anymore. I'll finish you off now." Without any hesitation, I used his finger to slit the guy's throat.

The bodyguards in the room started to panic and shoot their guns. But I am quicker; I threw my needles precisely at them before they can do anything further.

In the middle of this chaos, Miu, who had kept herself hidden with rhythm echo (an assassin technique), revealed herself. She moved swiftly, her arm stretched out, grabbing into her target's heart and pulled it out. The heart was still beating in her hands.

"N..No...Help..." The man was begging for someone to come to his rescue. But every one else was dead.

Miu threw his heart on the floor and, in front of his face, stepped on it with her high heels. She smiled sinisterly.

"Tch. Now my heels are spoiled." She mumbled and stomp on the dead man's clothes, rubbing her heels with it as if hoping it will be cleaner that way. Miu is the type that takes a certain pleasure in killing her victims, to an extent. It depends on her mood though.

"All done?" I turned to ask her.

"Yeah." Hearing her reply, I reached for my phone in the pocket and dialed a number.

"It's finished. Transfer the money into my account." I ordered and cut off the line when the client agreed.

"Do you have anything to do later?" Miu is still staring at her shoes. Her eyelashes are long and thick, when she blinks her eyes, they flutter beautifully.

"No. Why?"

"Let's go to the mall. I want new shoes. These are dirty."

I nodded as a response. Although I wanted to say that they're not that dirty, I didn't protest anything. If this were with someone else I would have left the person alone. But with Miu, I don't find her company unpleasant at all. I guess I couldn't care less; somehow it has become a habit. And Miu is different. She's spoiled, but not annoying. She is definitely not naïve, rather, sophisticated.

Miu guided me through the floor quickly as if she is familiar with these places. Anywhere we go everyone's eyes are on us. To be more specific, they're on Miu. She has such a nice feature and marvelous face that attracts anyone, old or young, men or women, it doesn't matter.

"They are annoying." I said. When anyone catches my eye contact, I stare at him or her until they get scared. Then they walk away or pretend to do something else instead.

"This is what I have to deal with everyday of my life. You'll get used to it." When I glance at her face, it shows neither annoyance nor arrogance. It was impassive. Her rosy lips spread into a thin line. I felt as if she didn't belong in this world. For someone who is an ideal beauty in this society, of course, she has to have a sense of narcissism. But at the same time, I know she hates herself. There is something that's eating her up inside. Once, she told me that her beauty is a curse. When I asked why, she didn't say anything, but squeezed my hand and looked me in the eye. And when I say looked at me in the eye, I mean she seriously stared at it and I felt as if she had seen right through me. Her big emerald eyes were so bright that I wonder if she's really human. At that time, I knew we shared something precious. Through the silence and her gesture, she was trying to convey me a message. Miu is struggling. She's fighting her worst enemy, herself. There is this darkness in her that I also have. Although in a difference sense, we are both twisted. It's a bizarre thing, really. For two distorted, damaged people to be together, but then again, if one of us was perfectly healthy and ordinary, we wouldn't be able to grasp each other's pain.

"This is it." Miu stepped into the shop that is decorated in simple elegant style. There are various items from accessories to clothes and even some home decorations. A lady in stylish black satin dress walked up to us.

"Welcome, Miss Miu and..." She glanced at me and hesitated for a moment.

"This is Illumi Zoldyck" Her face suddenly became pale and she smiled timidly, trying to cover the fear. I'm used to this kind of reaction so I didn't pay any attention to her.

"You are most certainly welcome, sir" She managed to speak at last. That looked painful enough.

"Miss Miu, what are you looking for today?"

"Shoes. I want high heels."

"This way please" She escorted us to the shelf filled with different kind of shoes. Miu chooses leisurely, taking her time. I found a chair and decided to wait for her there.

"Do you have one size smaller for this?" She asked, trying on a black-laced high heel.

"Yes, please wait a minute." The lady said and walked off into the staff room.

"You don't want anything, Illumi? There's a guy section over there." Miu asked while looking at skirts.

"Not really." I shook my head.

"Oh, you're not the type to go shopping anyway. Hey, which one do you think is better?" She said holding up a black chiffon skirt in one hand and pale pink the other.

"It doesn't really matter to me. Why don't you ask the store clerk?"

"Apparently, they are all busy."

"Just buy both" It was always like this. She ended up buying more stuff than she intended to. I never go out with someone else so I don't know what other guys will do, but Miu really looks beautiful in anything. No matter how ugly those clothes are. So if she asks me anything like that, I'll reply that they don't really matter.

"That's what I'd like to hear." Miu exclaimed cheerfully. Then she placed those two skirts on my lap.

"You have such a nice boyfriend, Miss Miu. I haven't seen him before." A lady with cream color shirt and deep blue velvet skirt complimented, loud enough for me to hear.

"Really?" Miu burst out in surprise. It's clear that she knew I could hear everything. And she was acting surprise on purpose.

"Yes. He's definitely good-looking and he seemed so patient, coming to shopping with you. It's rare these days to find guys like that. Willing to wait for you like this, he must really love you." she talked in undertone. It's kind of annoying the way she tries to talk quietly but it ended up loud anyway.

"I have never thought about that." Miu sniggered at that remark and looked my way.

"You are lucky."

"Don't you find him terrifying?"

"Now that you mention it. I do. He doesn't show any emotion on his face."

"That's what distinguish him from all the others."

"Is that supposed to be a good thing?"

"Maybe." There was a crook smile on Miu's beautiful face.

"Oh. This is the shoes size you requested from Anne." The lady handed her the shoes.

"Thank you."

"Feel free to ask me for anything." Then she left to serve other customers. Miu walked up to where I was sitting. Everyone was observing every gesture she made. I'd be really pissed if this happens to me but she doesn't seem to mind that much.

"Hey, I'm finished. Let's go." Miu said and pulled me from the chair then we walked up to the counter together.

"Seriously, these jobs we're getting are too easy, one of us is more than enough to handle this." Miu complained while we wait for the receipt.

"It's my mother's order so it's not like we can ditch this."

"She's annoying."

"I agree, but she just wants us to be closer. I'm surprised she hasn't announced the date of our wedding yet." I replied and took the receipt then we left the shop.

"If you ask me, she's dying to marry us. But your father is postponing it."

"Why do you say that? It was actually father's idea to choose you."

"He doesn't trust me enough."

"That, I understand."

"What? You don't trust me either? I thought we get along quite well." She pouted. When she makes an expression like this, I feel like she's just a child.

"No. It's just that my dad is always like that." My dad is very careful about everyone around him. So it's not surprising if he hasn't accepted Miu as a part of our family.

"Then, do you trust me?"

"What about you?" Miu made a sour face when I returned the question to her. But she answered straight away.

"Yeah. Although I don't get you most of the time, you don't do things that won't benefit your family, right? So I have no reason to distrust you. I believe you won't go out of your way to trick people or stuff like that. At least you have something you want to protect. I have nothing. And people who have nothing are scary. Because there is nothing you can threaten them with. There is no limit to their actions. So I don't mind if you still don't trust me."

I actually trust her. But I feel like there is something that she still keeps to herself. It's not that I need to know everything about Miu to be able to fully trust her, but Miu is someone who, by nature, can easily trick people. Although I'm quite manipulative, I'm not the type that does it because it's fun. There are reasons behind my actions. She is different. There are times when I really think she resembles Hisoka.

….

Machi's POV

I just want to drink alone and then go back to the headquarters. But Hisoka is interrupting my peaceful night, again. He is everywhere.

"You're planning on something evil again isn't it?" I can see it in his eyes. Hisoka is excited. He drinks his scotch in one gulp and ordered more instantly. I didn't even invite him to sit with me and here he is, acting like he was the one asking me to come over.

"My face shows that much?" He smirked.

"I know you can hardly contain it."

"I need to kill someone."

"Again. I don't understand why you find killing so fascinating."

"You should talk to Kuroro about it. I mean; he likes killing as much as I do. He just doesn't show it."

"Don't talk as if Dancho is the same as you." I said and finished my drink. Then I placed a bill on the table.

"You want more? It's my treat." I was going to reject it. But on second thought, a free drink doesn't come around that often.

"Is this a trick question?"

"Believe me, there's nothing behind this. I'm just offering you a free drink. Take or leave."

"Fine." I sit down and ordered tequila.

"So, how's Kuroro?"

"Well, he's ready to fight you, if that's what you're asking." It's been a while since he got his nen back but Hisoka never asked me about it. I figured he already know this information.

"No. I already did that."

"WHAT?" I yelled so loud that almost everyone in the bar stared at us.

"Hey, it's no big deal."

"When did this happen exactly?"

"About two weeks ago."

"How serious was it?"

"Pretty serious. But we didn't get to finish it."

"Why?"

"His girlfriend."

"By his girlfriend you mean the girl with blond hair, green eyes and an arrogant attitude?"

"No doubt. And you forget to mention, particularly beautiful." It came as a shock to me that Hisoka faced both Dancho and Miu at the same time.

"So what happened?"

"It turned out that she was with him at that time and I can't possibly fight two of them. So it was postponed."

"That's it? Any details?"

"Give me a kiss and I'll tell you more."

"I hate you, Hisoka." I groaned. He was always playing with me and I'm not comfortable with it. I hate whimsical liars.

"I already know that."

"Yeah. And I'm gonna keep telling you that until you stop bothering me."

"We'll see."

"Seriously though. What happened? You know, the injuries…"

"We both bled, but there was no serious damage. But his girlfriend, apparently, was in a huge mess."

"For real?" I couldn't believe Miu was injured. Her ability is about the same level as both of them. I better called her later to talk about the details. I'm not stupid enough to believe Hisoka.

"Lying with you is no fun, Machi." He gave up on insisting and laughed.

"I told you to not joke around with me." I let out a long sigh. I feel like Hisoka is absorbing energy from me.

A screen on the phone flashes the name Dancho. I eyed Hisoka then walked away from the table and pressed answer, greeting him as usual.

"Hi, dancho."

"Are you in the middle of something?" I glanced over at the table and Hisoka was flirting with a waitress. He just can't be still for a second, can he?

"No. What's the matter?"

"Did you tell Miu to contact me?"

"Yes."

"Thanks." That surprised me. Dancho isn't someone who says this very often. It means he really loves Miu then. I wonder what will become of him when Miu and Illumi are married. I want Dancho to be happy but Illumi is not such a bad guy. I mean the atmosphere around them was good. They give off this aura that even if I have seen them together for a short time, I know the chemistry was right.

"You really love her after all." I uttered quietly. Somehow my thought had turned out loud. I didn't mean to say this, of course. There was a short silence on the other end of the phone and at last he said 'Yes'.

Suddenly, I felt lost. Knowing Dancho loves Miu, my mind was a complete blur. I always believed that the only thing I've ever wanted was to stay by his side. My loyalty to Dancho is the only thing that kept me going. But what if it's not just a loyalty? I'm aware that he is the most important person in my life and I know that to him I'm just a member of the Genei Ryodan. But I've decided that my first concern would be Dancho's happiness. That's why; I don't feel any jealousy about his relationship with Miu. On the other way around, I want to help them out.

"Anyway, enough about me. What about you and Hisoka?" I don't get why I'm almost always paired up with him.

"Dancho! Stop teasing me with that psycho. We're not even friends."

"But you guys make nice couple."

"Ugh. With that pedophile?! Did you see how he's overly fond of that boy, Gon? And Killua? It's fucking creepy."

"Hahaha. He is interesting." Dancho laughed amusingly.

"Interesting? More like creepy."

"Better than boring, don't you agree?"

"Well, I'd rather be with normal person. Boring is fine, as long as I can live peacefully. That idiot brings too much trouble." Hisoka is always looking for a new opponent, something to keep him from getting bored. But I never thought of something like that. To make myself interesting or to be interested in someone, it's too much work for me. I'm not interested in anything. Maybe I was lacking something. I used to felt inferior. But that was before I met Dancho and joined Genei Ryodan. Now I know I belong somewhere and that is enough.

"Then I think it's a nice contrast between you two."

"Dancho, I'm serious." I raised my voice.

"Ok. I'll stop now."

"Thank you."

"Anyway, I'm just telling you now cause I'll be gone for a while."

"With Miu?"

"Yeah."

"Uh, did anything else happen?" I was hoping that he'd tell me about how Hisoka approach him. But I guess he might want to keep it to himself. This is something must be settled between the two of them after all.

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind. Just enjoy your trip." I ended the call and went back to the table. Observing Hisoka more carefully, his look isn't that bad. He can actually be handsome if his personality and fashion sense are not so weird.

"Why are you staring at my face? Are you falling for me?"

"God, no." I put my hand in front of my face to block Hisoka from my view.

"Hahaha you don't have to be that straight forward."

"I know you have a plan."

"Want to know about it?"

"Oh please. Leave me out of this." I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"Do you want to kill the chain user?"

"Why are you suddenly bringing him up?"

"I know where he is. Let's work together." That shrewd smile is giving me a really bad feeling about this whole thing.

…

Miu's POV

We went into a bar just around the corner. The air was surprisingly warm. As Illumi slide the door open, people were glancing in our direction. I didn't bother with it and we looked around for a seat when I sensed a really strong nen aura in this room. Illumi seemed to sense it too and at the corner of my eye, I saw the source of it. Machi and another guy in weird clothes sit with her. They noticed us almost right away. Machi waved at my direction while the other guy glanced up with a wicked smile. I grabbed Illumi's hand and headed for their table. The closer I walk, the more positive I have become, that this guy is Hisoka, the one who fought Kuroro that day. Yes, there's no one else like him.

"Hisoka will treat you guys so feel free to order as much as you want." Machi said with a straight face.

"Of course, for a beautiful lady like you, and my best friend Illu." He gave me a shrewd smile. When our eyes met, I knew he remembered me from that day. I peered at Illumi, who snorted at that remark. I find their friendship peculiar, because Illumi would never be able tolerate someone like him.

"Illu chan is so cold, getting engaged with someone this beautiful and not telling me a thing. At least you can introduce her to me." Hisoka pouted.

"I don't need to tell you details of my personal life." Illumi replied coldly.

"Oh well, even if you don't tell me, I know it anyway. The Sinclairs and Zoldycks have always been famous so when the engagement was announced, it caused a huge stir in the society."

"Why are you with Machi?" I addressed the question to him.

"Oh. We're kind of together."

"We're not. And we never will." Machi stared hard at Hisoka who just giggled without feeling the least bit intimidated by her. Machi's aura is so powerful that if this were some random guy he'd have run away.

"Why is it that everyone around me seemed to act so cold? Don't you think so, Miu?" The way he tilted his head reminded me of something ominous.

"I wonder. But don't worry, at least I'm not feeling disgusted by you like Machi does."

"How can you not?" Machi spat. I like how she acts all overly hateful towards him. In a way, it shows that they're close and comfortable with each other.

"I think I've just found my soul mate. Would you mind if I borrow her some time, Illu chan?"

"If she's willing to." Illumi glanced at me and shrugged.

"Hmm. You are not jealous right?" Hisoka teased him. I peered at Illumi, sitting next to me. His face is still impassive. I can't imagine Illumi being jealous over me at all. If it has to happen then I think he's the type that will just snatch me away and say nothing more.

"You're interesting enough. I don't mind spending time with you." As soon as I said this, Machi and Illumi glanced at each other as if they knew that they were thinking the same thing.

"I guess that's why you guys are alike in a way." Machi said and Illumi nodded in agreement. Hold on, why are they suddenly agreeing on this?

"But the big difference is that I don't look like a lunatic." I added.

"That's certainly true." Machi chuckled at my response.

"Oh come on. I'm sure I'm more handsome than Illumi." Machi and I burst out laughing. More handsome? They give off completely different aura, but to compare it like that…I really can't say. Nevertheless I'd choose Illumi over Hisoka.

"What?! You guys think Illumi looks better?"

"I bet it's because of my hair." Illumi said in monotone. I don't know if he was joking or not but I find it really cute.

"I understand why you think he is interesting now." Machi turned to talk to me as Hisoka was arguing with Illumi about his hair.

"It still surprises me though, that Illumi and Hisoka are close. I bet they knew each other long before Hisoka joined the Genei Ryodan."

"Come to think of it. They must have met each other quite often. As I recalled Illumi even mentioned to me about Hisoka helping him in some of his jobs."

"They are both freaks." Machi sniggered.

The sight of us sitting here reminds me of the days when I hanged out with her, Kuroro, and Franklin. I've never actually met all of the members of Genei Ryodan, but I'm quite close to these three. When I first met Kuroro, Machi and Franklin were assigned to help us get out of the building. That was where our friendship began.

"So, Miu, what do you like about Illumi?" Hisoka turned to ask me. I stared at Illumi for a short period before answering back.

"His lack of emotion and the twisted love he has for Killua." Normally people with no passion would not interest me at all but Illumi is such an extreme type that it is fascinating being with him. His obsessive desire to take control of Killua also makes it all the more appealing. The answer came out so honest that it scares me. Because I don't want to be so direct in front of Hisoka. I have a feeling that he'll use every little thing he could to destroy anyone. So any piece of truth about myself shouldn't be exposed to a person as such.

Hisoka didn't say anything but smiled a sick, phony smile. Illumi just knotted his eyebrows.

"I don't understand you." Machi was the only one who spoke up.

"Well, me neither."

…

At Zoldyck's estate

Kikyo was humming to herself happily. She just finished talking to Lena Sinclair, Miu's mum about the wedding of their son and daughter. It was arranged to happen in a month from now. Silva was reading newspaper as usual and Zeno, lecturing Milluki about killing techniques, which seems to be no good. Kalluto was away completing a job in town while Killua played his video games. Kikyo was waiting for one of them to ask about her cheerful mood but none of them seemed to notice it. So she decided to announce the news herself.

"Illumi will be married to Miu in a month."

Everyone turned to her but none of them seemed to be surprised at this.

"Don't rush this. We still don't know much about Miu yet." Silva said calmly.

"But what's there to know about?! She is perfect." Kikyo screeched at her husband.

"We can't just trust someone so easily. Especially a person from Sinclairs."

"But-"

"I won't approve this yet. End of discussion." Silva's words were so powerful that Kikyo had to shut her mouth. She wouldn't dare prolong this argument any further. Although she didn't say anything more, she was determined to convince everyone that Miu is ready to officially be a part of this family.

…

A/N

Sorry it takes a long time to update this chapter but I hope the length makes up for it. And don't forget to review.

Thanks.


	7. trust your instincts

Kalluto's POV

Miu is with Dancho.

As soon as I realized this, I was smiling. Mother has ordered me to track Miu and provide her details about Miu's life. She wanted to prove Miu was not doing something behind the Zoldyck's back. Yet, the first thing I knew was that Miu has an affair. And on top of that it's with the leader of Genei Ryodan, which I am a part of. But I wouldn't tell mother about it yet, this information might come useful later on.

As I walked through the gate, back at my house, I noticed Illumi-nee approaching me.

"Have you seen Killua?"

"No. I just returned from work."

"Oh."

"Where's your fiancé?" Aniki knotted his eyebrow. His face showed a bit of confusion. It must be because I have never asked him about her before. I never liked Miu. As a matter of fact, I hate her. It angers me that Killua likes her and even mother is really fond of her.

"She will be gone for a while doing a job." I chuckled. When has my brother become so simpleminded I wonder? He has always been the one who manipulated others but now Miu has completely fooled him.

"What?"

"Oh. Nothing." I replied and continued to walk back at my house. Illumi-nee suddenly grabbed my arm. It was such a strong and sudden grab that I felt like my bones could break.

"Aniki….let go." I stared hard at his black emotionless eyes.

"What are you-" But before he can finish his sentence, Killua-nee appeared at the gate. He was puzzled at the sight of us.

"What are you two doing?" He asked. Illumi-nee quickly let go of my hand.

"Nothing. I was looking for you, Killu. Father and I have something to discuss with you."

Killua-nee glanced back and forth between me and Aniki then nodded and follow him.

He didn't even ask me what that was about. He just looked at me and walked away. I wanted to help him and yet he didn't even care about me. Since the moment Miu came to our house, he has become closer to Illumi-nee. Everyone is abandoning me even when I'm trying my best to bring Killua-nee back. And even though he is back, nothing has changed for the better.

…

Kuroro's POV

The beach was deserted. There were only the two of us here, watching the sunset without saying anything. The first time we came was with Franklin and Machi. We were just having fun at the beach but it turned out the police were after us. And a vacation turned into massacred. Nevertheless, we had fun.

I kept glancing at Miu's direction. She was staring at the scenery in front of her but her mind seemed to be elsewhere.

"Did you know, the first time I saw you, I thought, I've never seen anything more mesmerizing and beautiful?" I said and stroked her face gently. Her cheeks were soft and warm.

"Why are you telling me this?" She asked.

"When I saw you, I wanted to know you better. I wanted you to let me in. I desired you, all of you. That wanting nearly drove me mad." She was staring at me with those beautiful green eyes. Her expression so soft and beautiful, yet void of any emotions. She was so lovely to the point that it's inhumane.

"You sound like a teenage boy in love for the first time." She laughed.

"Well, I am in love for the first time…though I'm not a teenage anymore." I never said 'I love you' to her. So this is the first time I honestly confess my feelings. But I decided to say it now, because I feel like she'll disappear. If I don't grab her tight enough, she will slip through my fingers.

Miu's expression darkens. She knew I was serious.

"I never thought that you were truly in love with me. When I agreed to the engagement with Illumi, you didn't say anything. You were not opposing it. And I thought, if you could let me go so easily, then you weren't serious with me." I was shocked at this. I didn't say anything against it because I don't want to be too possessive of her. I'm afraid that will make me lose her. And I thought I was always the one who loved her more, because she never really expressed her feelings. At that time, when she chose Illumi, I concluded that Miu never really sees me as a special person.

"If I had stopped you…would you cancel it?"

"At that moment, I would."

But that moment would never come back again. And I thought about how, if I didn't let her go, we would be together and she would never have any feelings towards Illumi. I imagined all the possible scenarios in mind and the reality hit me.

We are standing here together. But Miu already has someone else on her mind. Someone she has feelings for. I don't know how much I need to make up to her in order to steal her back from him.

But I have decided that I won't give up. Because I have found someone I don't want to lose. I'm not letting her go for the second time.

"I just want you to know that it was the biggest regret I have ever had in my life." I spoke.

"I know." She hugged me tightly and we stayed like that for what I felt like eternity.

…

Zoldyck estate

All the members of the Zoldycks family are present at the dinner table, but one seat was empty.

"Miu seems rather busy these days…" Kikyo mumbled to herself and looked at the empty seat. She was fond of Miu and would want to spend more time with her. Since she doesn't have a daughter of her own, she can only dress Kalluto as a girl.

"Are you guys getting along well?" She addressed the question to Illumi.

"Yes."

"But you're not with her very often."

"We have our own lives, mother." His cold dark eyes stared at Kikyo blankly.

"But you're her fiancé. Both of you should be more open with each other."

"Just let them be. I'm sure there's no problem." Silva said. His voice was deep and empowering.

"I bet she has an affair." Milluki commented while chewing his food.

"What are you saying Milluki?!" Kikyo almost scream at her son.

"Well, she's incredibly beautiful. It's not strange for her to have a few men other than aniki."

"Miu is not like that."

"How do you know, mother? From my point of view, she looks rather unfaithful."

"Stop badmouthing other people!" She shouted at Milluki angrily. Her voice was so high that Zeno had to cover his ears.

"You're just saying that because you're jealous of aniki aren't you?" Killua gave a menacing smile.

"What?!"

"You'll never get someone near her level. Let alone that, I bet you'll live and die alone like a stray dog."

"This brat! I'm going to-"

"What? What can you do to me? Put me in isolation? Whip me? Torture me? You know I'm never scared of those stuff."

"…" Milluki's obese face turned pale. He grinds his teeth bitterly.

"You're in no position to threaten me with anything." Killua smirked at his pathetic brother. He has never liked Milluki anyway and besides he's pissed at how Milluki always bring up something bad about Miu. She's the kind of sister that he never had. Miu served as a great connection between Illumi and him. Since he came back to this house, she was the only one he could talk to openly and he had a feeling that Miu understood him. She had managed to stitch those shatter pieces of relationship between him and his brother in a way that no one could.

Although he hates Illumi, he wanted to be able to forgive him. And Miu had helped him in many occasions. Just listening to her talk about Illumi from her perspective has somehow showed him a new side of his brother that he has never thought about.

"Killu, your expression has turned so scary, I'm really proud of you!" Kikyo exclaimed, changing the subject.

"Of course, he has become much more mature." Zeno added glad that the argument was over and he could finally eat at peace.

"But Milluki…I'll not have you say another word about Miu, are you clear?"

"All of this is up to Illumi's decision. I believe he'll make the right choice." Silva spoke up before Milluki can say anything in return.

"Thanks." Illumi uttered a single word and everyone went on with his or her meals.

…

Miu's POV

I just parted with Kuroro and I was on my way back to the Zoldyck's place when I sensed someone was following me. This person is a professional assassin. I can sense it. But what did I do to make another assassin wants to track me down? I kept on walking, pretending to not realize I was being followed. It was as if that person was fed up with me, he suddenly revealed himself.

"Kalluto?" I was bewildered that he was tracking me.

"You seriously haven't noticed me? I don't get how someone like you are considered skill assassin." His attitude has turned completely foul. He still hasn't mastered his nen because if it was Illumi, or me we'd had known that the person we tracked down already noticed us but pretended to ignore it. I let Kalluto thought he was better than me at this instead of telling him the truth. I couldn't care enough to point out his stupidity to him.

"What do you want?"

"I know you're having an affair with Dancho." He smirked as if he held a higher card than me. What an imbecile child.

"So?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

" 'So?' That's your response?"

Well. What did he expect me to say? Beg him to not tell anyone about this? I would never resort to such a thing.

"You are betraying all of us and you're not even sorry. You don't even apologize or try to explain yourself." I knew he was trying to remain calm despite the fact that he was shaking with rage. Kalluto is a jealous child. He wanted love from his mother and brother. But Killua ignored him and Kikyo has averted all her attention to me instead. He is different from Illumi because Illumi protects his family, not for them to love him, but for them to just be there. Kalluto desired love from others, that's why he was obeying his mum and tried to bring Killua back.

"Pfft..hahaha" I just can't control myself from laughing out loud. He didn't understand a single thing. Everyone knowing this has never been an issue for me. I never did this expecting to hide it as a secret forever.

"What's so funny?"

"Go ahead and declare this to everyone. I don't fucking care." I spat. Kalluto seemed to be in a state of shock. His dark eyes were staring at me as if I'm some kind of grotesque monster.

He was so angry that he emitted his nen aura. Kalluto will never beat me, not in this state. He moved very quickly, but I can still see his movements as if in slow motion. He still has a lot more to learn. His specialty is manipulating paper to torn the enemy's body. However, that attack isn't effective against me. The Zoldycks don't really know this; they thought my nen ability is being able to manipulate people without strong mind to obey me. But I can actually do more than that.

I released my nen and concentrated it throughout my body. All his attacks couldn't pass through my nen barrier. Kalluto stared at me in astonishment. He just realized for the first time, that he was no match for me. I released my nen and reflect all his attacks back to him. This uses a lot of concentration so I would not use it very often. Kalluto quickly moved to avoid the attacks.

"I don't want to harm you since you're Illumi's brother but, I guess you're asking for it." I gave him a sweet smile before I hit a spot on his neck with a swift movement while he was distracted by the attack that bounced back to him. The final blow knocked him unconscious. This method would be least harmful to him. It'll only be a few hours before he wakes up again. But the problem here is if I carry him back to the house, everyone would have asked me what happened and I hate explaining this situation to everyone. Bringing him home wouldn't be a good choice but it's not like I can leave him here either.

This is going to be a real problem.

…

Illumi's POV

I observed my dad kills his target precisely and without much effort. We try to finish our job as quickly and clean as possible.

"Sorry to drag you here instead of Kalluto." My dad said. I threw my needle at the man coming from behind him.

"Kalluto agreed to finish this job with me, but he doesn't answer his phone and doesn't show up in time. He has never been like this."

"We should just wait a little more before we search for him." I suggested. My dad doesn't know that Kalluto is a member of the Genei Ryodan or he would have been extremely mad at him. So I doubt Kalluto might just be taking some missions for the troupe and forget about this. It might be as simple as that.

"So, how is it between you and Miu?"

"We're fine." It feels so weird for my dad to be talking to me like this. We have never been that close.

"Tell me about it. What you like about her…things like that."

"Are we having a father-son talk thing?" I looked at him questioningly.

"Yeah. Why not?" He patted my back as if to show he's really interested in it. I have never been father's favorite, that person is Killua. I was just a puppet for the family. I am aware of my existence, the purpose of it, that's why I'm trying my best to do my job for the family. I have to make sure Killua doesn't stray from the path of assassin again. But then I thought about Miu, she told me that it is a good thing for Killua to stay with Gon. She said Gon will teach Killua to overcome his barrier, and this will make him stronger. And when he is strong enough, that will be the time to convince Killua back to us. But we shouldn't force him to it, we should wait for him to return by himself and show him that the only thing he is good at is killing.

I never expected her to get along well with Killua. And I never thought that I would be fine with someone else being this close to him. I have always desired to control Killua alone, but even though Miu has managed to become close to him, I still don't hate her.

At that time, when she told Hisoka that she likes me because of my twisted love for Killua and the lack of emotion, I was happy. I always wonder what she sees in someone like me. Most people would see those two things as negative, but for her to see it as an interesting thing, it is the most I can ask for from someone.

"Miu, she understands something about me that nobody else does." I spoke and watched my dad's expression. He remained impassive.

"You know, I have talked to Miu about you." I stared at him in surprise, but I'm sure my face would have remained expressionless. I would never imagine him talking to Miu in private. What can they talk about anyway? It is so mysterious to me.

"I asked her what she wants to achieve by marrying you. And she told me that she wanted to understand you. Then I told her it's impossible, but she smiled and said 'that only makes me want to know him more.'" He paused.

"Then I come to realize one thing, you act cool and calm, but in reality, you have stronger desire than others, just like her."

So deep down I want someone to understand me and Miu is exactly what I'm looking for? I have never thought about it like that, I wouldn't want to figure out why we get along well. We just do without having to overanalyze things. The relationship between us was natural, it has become a habit, not something we were forced to do.

"Do you want to marry her?" He asked. It's not that I want or not. I just want to be with her as it is. I just want our lives to always continue like this. So even if we're married, nothing will change much.

"It doesn't matter."

"What do you mean?" I feel like my dad was expecting me to say 'yes' immediately.

"Marriage doesn't mean anything to me. I'm contend with the way we are right now, so if we have to marry, I won't object, but I'm not exactly eager for it to happen either."

"Do you think you're in love with her?"

"I don't know."

"Illumi, I don't think you will ever learn to love someone from the bottom of your heart because I raised you that way. I trained you to become an emotionless assassin. And I wouldn't want you to harbor those special feelings towards someone because it will become your weakness. But there is an exception. And that is when your special person is strong enough to make you even stronger. I think Miu did that. She made you become stronger without you realizing it."

I listened to him and the only thing that came to my mind was why would he say this? I thought he didn't like Miu, but now he is speaking as if he accepted her.

"I know you're wondering why on earth would I say this now. But I have this gut feeling that when the time comes, I want you to realize how much she means to you before it's too late. Miu is a special person, a threat to our family or not is another matter, but if you think you will never meet another person like her again, make sure to treasure her. Illumi, as an eldest son, remember that I trust your decision."

…

Kuroro's POV

I opened the small red box and showed Machi a small diamond ring. She looked a little stirred at the sight of it.

"Dancho, are you serious?"

"Yeah. I stole this from the museum. It's one of the most wanted diamond rings in the world." I smiled and took it out from the box to let her examine closer.

"Not about that. You know what I mean." She pointed her finger at me. Machi is always stiff about everything. But I like that about her. She becomes an easy target to tease.

"Do you want to try it?" I grabbed her ankle and she looked bewilder. Her ankle is a lot smaller than I thought.

"No. This isn't for me." Machi was trying to pull her hand back but I forced it. Then she gave up on resisting after some time.

"Fine. Put it on." She sighed.

"Will you marry me?" I asked and gazed at her while putting the ring on her slender finger.

She was quiet for a while. It was as if she had slipped into her own world. I have never seen Machi like this.

"Is that ok? Do you think it's fine?" I asked her after waiting for her response and she still hadn't say anything. Machi was startled when I shook her.

"Huh? Yes?" She looked at me as if she just woke up from a dream.

"Should I confess to Miu like this?"

"It's fine."

"You think so? Or should I surprise her by doing something more extravagant?"

"You know, Even though I'm her friend she doesn't reveal too much about herself. I doubt any method would have mattered."

"Thanks. You have been a great help." I said sarcastically. Machi narrowed her eyes.

"Why are you suddenly doing this?"

"I feel like it is the right time. I don't think I can go on like this forever." To be able to see Miu only once a week sometimes longer, it is tormenting me. And when I see that she is being her usual self, without a slight hint that she is missing me, I am even more terrified that one day she will be gone and never come back. Of course, I have thought about the possibility of her rejecting me, but that would still make me feel better than not doing anything at all. Miu still isn't married to Illumi so if I have to make a move, it is now.

"I'm sure it will be fine." Machi assured me and gripped my hand.

"Thanks." I don't think I would have made it this far without the support of her. She has been very loyal to me and I can't imagine how I can repay this to her.

"Well, I have got to go." She said and started to take the ring out.

"Dancho…" Her face looked pale, I wonder if she's ok? She seems tired and these days. I should have asked her if something happened. Something she was keeping to herself alone.

"Hmm?"

"I can't take it out." She said in a small voice.

"Fuck." I completely forgot that Miu is slimmer than Machi.

...

Hope you like it and don't forget to review.


	8. Secrets

Happy new year lovely readers:) Here's a new chapter.

...

Machi's POV

I glanced at the ring too many times today. And Hisoka seemed to notice it too.

"Nice ring. Where did you get it?" He asked and moved closer to me.

"I'm not telling you." I replied turning away from him.

"A secret? So somebody has given it to you?"

"Just shut up, Hisoka."

"It looks like an engagement ring. I can't believe someone has proposed to you. Hahaha." He was laughing like a maniac. Well, he's not completely wrong about it. I never imagined myself getting married or having someone who truly loves me.

_"You can keep it." Dancho was smiling while saying this._

_"Wait…I'd feel really bad…" _

_"Think of it as a gift from me. Since you're always by my side and I have never given anything to you, take this as a gift. Forget about how this was supposed to be Miu's."_

_"But…" Even if I protest, I already knew it was going to be mine._

_"It is yours. So treasure it, ok?" _

_"I will."_

"You're happy aren't you?" Hisoka's voice made me snap back to reality. The ring on my finger is the solid prove that this did happened.

"What…?" Hisoka always act like he knows it all, but sometimes he really does. And I hate him even more for that.

"I know it. You look like someone in love."

"Hisoka, do you think I should follow my instincts more?"

"Your instincts are always right. So…Yeah…"

"My instinct tells me I shouldn't be with you right now."

"Hahaha. No one's holding you down."

"But…sometimes I want to know what's at the end of all this. That's why I agreed on it."

"You're a freak."

"I'm not. Definitely not, coming from someone like you!" What an irony! Hisoka is the definition of 'freak', yet he told me I am one.

"But normal people won't be with me. You're weird."

"Don't consider me the same as you. I have my reasons for doing this. You don't."

"Oh, I do. It's fun, because that's what life is worth living for, isn't it?"

"Life is not always a game. At least that's not how I see it. I just want to protect the things that are precious to me."

"But People are like toys, once they break, I have no use for them anymore."

That's what differentiates him from me. I am a part of the Genei Ryodan and I would do anything to help all the members. I care for them, that is why I can't look at them as pieces in a game.

My phone was vibrating; I glanced at it and saw that the call was from Miu.

I was a little uncertain whether I should answer her or not. Even though Dancho told me to not think anymore about it. It is impossible. I stared at the screen for a while before pressing 'answer.'

"Where are you?" Miu suddenly asked me through the phone.

"I'm at Kalporo." I was alone with Hisoka here and no one was supposed to know about it.

"That's far."

"Yeah." I was thinking about an explanation of how I ended up here. But Miu didn't ask about why I'm here. Thinking about it, she never really bothered with my personal life to begin with. And she's not the type to stick her nose around in other people's business.

"That's fine then. Do you know if Kuroro's at the headquarter?"

"I'm pretty sure he's there. Something's up?"

"It's just…Kalluto." I heard Miu sighed.

"What about him?"

"He found out about me and Kuroro. And he was trying to kill me."

"That's harsh. Wait…he's Illumi's brother right?" I didn't expect someone to find out about her relationship with Dancho this quick. And on top of that, it's Kalluto. I thought no one would know except that Hisoka decided to tell it to Illumi.

"Yeah. I'm just going to bring him over to the headquarters. He's unconscious now."

"So what are you going to do? About Dancho…"

"Truthfully, I still don't know."

It is the first time she's hesitating. She could settle with Illumi and has no more interaction with Dancho or accept Dacho's proposal and cancel her engagement to Illumi. But the latter would gain her a lot more trouble. Since this is an arranged engagement, she can't just ditch this. She is arrogant, but in the end she chooses things that will benefit her more. The third alternative would be to lie to Illumi again and continue her relationship with Dancho. But I don't believe Miu is that corrupt. And I can't even imagine what Illumi will do or how he feels about all of this. I really can't tell how much he loves her.

At first I thought I was rooting for Dancho, but now I think I might be a little happy if Illumi is with Miu. Dancho's happiness is my first priority but there's this part of me that's telling me I have been lying to myself. I was trying to ignore my feelings because I don't want to complicate things more than it already is. But today, when Dancho was proposing to me, although technically he's doing it to Miu, I felt so happy I couldn't believe myself. But I also have this pang of guilt, because I don't think it is possible for me to be with Dancho like Miu does. And I know Dancho doesn't think anything of me more than a friend and loyal member of the troupe. I'm just there to substitute Miu. No, I can't measure to her at all. Dancho only talks about her when he is with me.

"I wonder if there is a love affair that lasts forever." Miu spoke.

I really don't think Dancho deserves to be her 'affair.' He should have a real relationship. If Miu really loves him, she has to break up with Ilumi or at least let go of Dancho.

"Are you saying that you would still be with him behind illumi's back even after the truth is exposed?"

"Maybe. I'm still thinking about it. But that would be the best alternative for me."

"Dancho isn't just someone you can keep as your love interest." I got so furious with Miu. I couldn't believe how heartless and selfish she was. And I hated myself even more because none of this would have happened if I didn't encourage her to see Dancho again.

"But we are both happy about it."

She was answering me in a very casual tone. Miu might be happy about it, but Dancho is definitely not satisfied with this. He was going to propose to her, he is serious about their relationship. If she paid enough attention, she should have known about Dancho's feeling or perhaps she knew but decided to pretend not to notice it.

"Miu, Dancho has changed his mind." I said it without thinking.

"What are you talking about?"

"He proposed to me today."

"What?" That is the first time I heard her exclaimed in such a surprise voice.

"You acted as if you don't like him that much. So he turned to me instead." I regretted that immediately. I shouldn't have said it. I know that deep down I am jealous of Miu.

I think I am broken in some way. There is this part in me that's unfit and unworthy or even rotten. And I don't want anyone to see it. I always put up a bold front to hide this ugliness inside me. I can't be like Miu, she does whatever she wants and she doesn't care about it. So she is not someone you'd call a 'good' person, but at least she is honest with herself. For me, I'm not good, it takes too much to be good, but I'm not honest with myself either. So I wonder what makes up my existence and then it comes down to one thing.

Dancho.

If something were to happen to him, I don't think I can live. But somehow I have a feeling Miu can.

"The truth is, this doesn't just happen overnight, but we've been together for quite sometime. After you've been too busy with the Zoldycks, he just couldn't wait for you anymore." My voice sounded repugnant. When I started talking, I just couldn't stop. The ugly, vile words flowed out of my mouth as if I have been keeping them with myself for too long.

I waited for her reply or even a sob. But no, there was only silence at the other end of the line.

"Miu?" I called her name to check if she is still on the phone. But she hadn't cut the line, so she must be listening.

"Are you there?"

"You will regret telling me this."

And she cut the line, just like that. I should have held a higher card, but somehow, with that last sentence, she left me in despair. I felt like I was losing everything. Her voice was calm but horrifying. It sends chill down my spine. I can still recall it time and time again in my head as if it is a curse.

"Machi, he's here." Hisoka whispered and pointed at a young man with blond hair and blue eyes who came out from a small apartment. He looked cautiously around his surroundings, but we hide our auras so even if he used nen he won't notice us. That man is the chain user, no doubt about it.

"So, do you have a change of heart with our arrangement?" Hisoka gave me an evil smile. He knew I just had a fight with Miu. Therefore, it is easier for me to accept his conditions. Things just fall perfectly into Hisoka's hands. At first I planned on checking to see if this chain user is really here, then I would pretend to agree with Hisoka's plan, when in reality, I would have told Miu about all of this.

But asking 'a change of heart' meant he knew I was thinking about backstabbing him. And now, it is true that I'm not going to tell Miu the truth anymore. After what she told me in that phone call, I just couldn't be on her side.

"But what if this is a part of your plan? What if you decided to side with him and lure me here instead?" I asked him, knowing these things won't happen to me.

"You really don't trust me, do you? I have no interest left in him. All I want is Miu." I believed that. I knew from the way he looked at her, he became excited as if seeing a new toy.

"Are you sure? I think you'd want to see me get killed."

"I love you enough to save you for later." Seeing the way Hisoka watched and preserved that boy, Gon, grew until he can finally battle him again, what he said was convincing enough. Hisoka won't recklessly kill people if they are important pawns in his game. And I know I'm still of use to him now. Besides, it's not like he can kill me easily either.

"I'm doing it." I declared.

"Fantastic." Hisoka clapped his hands.

"But after this, I'm not seeing you again."

…

Feitan's POV

"This really sucks." I put down my cards in front of me. I lose again. I have never been good at this kind of card games. I have more pleasure killing and torturing people.

"You don't have the best luck." Franklin said.

"Should we get some exercise?" Dancho suggested and I immediately nodded.

"Killing people is a great relaxation."

"I'm staying here though." Franklin spoke.

"Why?"

"I just don't feel like going out."

"Well, whatever."

We were about to sit up, but a young woman came. I remember her. She was with Machi the other day and how could I forget, she has an extraordinary beauty. There is something captivating about the way she moves, it's charismatic. I saw Dancho immediately stood up and Franklin smiled at her as if he knew her a long time ago.

"Miu, why are you here?" Dancho asked her.

"I was caught up in a little trouble. Can you keep Kalluto here?" Then I realized she was carrying Kalluto, a member of us. He was unconscious. I don't know what happened but if she could make Kalluto become like this, she is definitely very strong.

"Yeah." He leads Miu to a corner and she carefully placed Kalluto's body there.

"Haven't seen you for some time. How are you doing?" Franklin asked her.

"Terrible as always." She replied with a crooked smile.

"Come join us." Franklin pointed at a space next to him.

"Sure." She sits down between Franklin and Dancho then her gaze fixed on me. Her huge green eyes and doll-like face make me feel uncomfortable. I don't know why but she gives off this mysterious aura that makes me feel like I can't trust her.

"What?" I asked out of annoyance.

"You're Feitan right?"Miu gave a sweet smile. Any guys would have fell for her in that instance, but it's different for me. There's this quality in her personality that's bothering me.

"Yeah. So?" I narrowed my eyes.

"You don't want to play anymore?"

"Don't mind him. He's only excited when he gets to kill."

"Well, I'm not surprised."

"As a matter of fact, we were about to go out and kill right now."

"That's certainly more entertaining than playing card games."

"Should we get going then?" Dancho asked. He was wrapping his arms around her casually. They seemed comfortable with each other. Their movements synchronize as if they have been together for a really long time.

"Wait. What about him?" Franklin interrupted, he pointed at Kalluto.

"I thought you're not going, so you can stay with him until he wakes up."Dancho said.

"I was planning on that, but since Miu is here I would want to join you guys…"

"Aww I miss you too." Miu gave Franklin a quick hug. He looks like a big brother to her.

"So, what do we do about him, Dancho?" I asked. He was quiet for a while before turning to face Miu.

"Tell us what happened first."

Miu's big green eyes glanced at all of us, and then she sighed.

"Kalluto found out about us. He tracked me and tried to attack me. So I had to make him unconscious."

"That's serious."

"Yeah. I still don't know if anyone else in the Zoldycks family know about this yet." So Miu is having an affair with Dancho? I glanced back and forth between both of them.

"But when he wakes up, I'm sure he's going to tell it."

"I know."

"What are you going to do?"

"Maybe we shouldn't meet each other for a while."

Dancho stared at her in silence then he managed to say something.

"I'm not like you, I can't stand it." Dancho's expression was so painful to watch that I have to look away. It was as if I saw something I shouldn't have. I never expected him to value someone who's not a part of Genei Ryodan so much. Too much it might kill him.

"Kuroro…"

"Come with me." Then he took her hand forcefully and they went off.

I looked at Franklin and all I see is a worried expression.

"How long have they been together?" I asked.

"Many years."

"Dancho…will he be alright?"

"We have to trust Dancho. But if it comes to the worst scenario, we'll have to keep the spiders together."

"I don't like her." I stated.

"Why?"

"She looks cold and empty inside. Like an empty shell of human being."

"I understand. But if she can move Dancho like that; there must be something he sees beneath the empty shell and the hollowness, something beyond what we can imagine. Something darker and deeper."

But if you think about it, that's even worse than being empty.

…

Miu's POV

When there was only the two of us, Kuroro let go of my hand.

"What's a 'while'?" He turned to ask me. I can see he was trying to control his anger.

"I don't know…maybe a few months…" I hesitated. But I can see now that Machi is lying. Kuroro would never do that, not without telling me.

"That's not enough." He grabbed my shoulders and shook me hard. I've never seen him like this before. He was losing all his calmness.

"You have no idea how bad it gets. No fucking idea."

"I…" I wanted to comfort him. But nothing came out. I felt like there was something stuck in my throat and I can't say anything at all.

"I'm sorry." Kuroro suddenly uttered.

"About what?" I should be the one apologizing. Is he trying to confess about his relationship with Machi?! Suddenly I imagined all the scenarios in my mind, how should I react to it, I don't know. I have no clue at all. I was still denying that Machi has been with Kuroro all this time, behind my back.

"I shouldn't be like this. But somehow, with you, I just can't control myself. I can't be calm in this situation."

"You don't have to be. You can vent all your emotions on me." I demanded, relieved that it was not about him and Machi. So she was lying to me about it.

Kuroro leaned closer to me and pressed his lips against mine. It was a deep, long, passionate kiss. His lips were soft and urgent. Then he paused.

"I need you to be mine." His voice broke.

"I'm all yours." I answered and gave him a quick kiss on his forehead. I know I can't be with him forever, that's why I want to give him everything I can now.

He raised his hand up to my hair and played with it. His other hand crept up my skirt. I unbuttoned his trousers and he used his fingers to play with my breasts. Kuroro knows my body well, he knows how to satisfy me and I know where his soft spots are. After we were completely naked, he kissed me from my cheeks to my collarbones and my breasts. These actions were not done gently, but rather, harshly, as if to release his anger on me. But I didn't felt bothered by it at all. Even if it hurts, it felt good. I let out a moan. He climbed on top of me and thrust into me again and again.

…

*pip pip*

A message came up in the middle of the night. The bright light from Kuroro's mobile shine in the darkness while Miu and Kuroro are both asleep in each other's arm.

The message read:

_From: Machi_

_Dancho, I already told Miu the truth about us. I'm sorry, can we talk?_

…


	9. Falling apart

Killua's POV

"What?" I exclaim, staring hard at my younger brother's passive face.

"I know this comes as a shock to you too. I've never thought that Miu would be this nasty."

"How did you know?" Kalluto doesn't have anything to do with them at all. It was surprising when he suddenly confess to me that Miu has been cheating on Illumi with the Genei Ryodan's leader. But there wouldn't be a good reason for him to lie to me either.

"Mother was ordering me to spy on her because she wanted proof that Miu was worthy of marrying Illumi nee."

"Did you tell anyone else about this?" He shook his head as a respond.

"Don't tell mother yet. I'll talk to aniki and Miu first, ok?"

Kalluto knotted his eyebrows. He seemed annoyed and disappointed at my reaction.

"Aren't you angry? She shouldn't be engaged with Illumi nee anymore. I'm not making this up." He raises his voice louder. There is a hint of hatred in it.

"I'm not saying I don't believe you. But we need to talk about this first before coming to conclusions. I'm sure there is an explanation."

"You're siding with her."

"No. I'm not on anyone's side."

"Yes. You are."

I sighed. This argument will never end.

"Ok. I do. I want to believe in her."

Despite what Kalluto had told me, I want to know what drives Miu to take this action. I know she is not a good person, I have heard all kinds of rumors about her, but she has helped me in a way that no one could. And because of that, I can't just distrust her.

_"I know that Illumi loves you. And his love might come in different form from others. Please don't be mad at him."_

I still believe in those words that she told me.

…

Miu's POV

Something is up. I know it from the look on Killua's face. He is serious. Killua gave me a slight smile, as if trying to assure me that everything is all right. But I know it isn't.

"I was told that you are having an affair behind aniki's back." He said. Kalluto must be here already then. I wonder if he told Killua about my attack. Oh well, it does not change anything anyway, why bother?

"Kalluto isn't it? Do you believe him?"

"No. I…I don't want to believe him. It's because I respect you, I want to have a proper conversation with you first."

"Good boy. But the truth hurts. It is true that I was seeing someone else" I have decided that the best approach to this would be telling the truth. I have no trouble lying, but…I don't want to lie to Killua, especially because he has already trusted me. As cliché as it may sound, I treasure Killua as my brother. I want to watch him grow up.

"Why?" Killua's expression turns into despair. He might not realize this, but the reason he becomes this disheartened is also because he likes Illumi. Killua has already accepted Illumi the way he is.

"I can't explain it."

"I thought I could trust you."

"I'm sorry things turn out this way. But I will fix it, ok?" I pat his shoulder and look him in the eye.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." I smile.

"If Aniki cheats on you, what would you do?"

"Kill that person." My answer came out without any hesitation. I'm even surprised at myself.

"Woah…Really?" He seems shocked at my response. I laugh a little.

"I know I'm a hypocrite, because I sleep with another man, yet, I don't want Illumi to do the same. I want to be able to say casually 'hey, Illumi, you can sleep with other women because I know you'd still love me the most,' but I'm not that kindhearted." I'm too selfish. Maybe I am not strong enough to believe in Illumi. Does that mean I don't love him enough to trust in him? Still, I trust him enough because I'm sure that I would be more likely to betray him.

"It's normal. Of course, you don't want someone you like to be with someone else. Miu, you're not as selfish as you think you are."

"I wonder if you can still say that when I kill Illumi after I find out he's with someone else?" I smile, half joking. Killua gives me a confused stare. Oh, how I like messing with people.

"I'm joking, relax." But I am not joking. I might actually try to kill Illumi. And I know Killua realizes this too. He knows that deep down I'm willing to go as far as that.

"Miu, are you going to breakup with Kuroro?"

"If I say no?"

"I want aniki to be happy. Although I don't know what you see in him, I still think you guys deserve each other."

"I'm happy to hear that. You finally accept Illumi."

…

Illumi's POV

I always work alone and do things alone. But it's not that I like it that way, I just prefer to be alone than having to deal with useless, pathetic people. Socializing means pretending. And I'm never good at it. I have a very small tolerance to be with others. Having Miu as a company is actually lightening up my day. We've never had any argument, either because we don't know each other enough or because there is nothing to argue about. And I'm leaning on the latter. This is because Miu is honest. From the start, she didn't try to hide her bad side of personality.

"So do you know what all of this is about?" Miu asks while we're waiting for other family members at the dining room.

"No idea. They just told me that this is very important." I say, taking a closer look at her face. I haven't seen her for a few days and I feel a lot better now that she's with me. When she's not with me, I find myself thinking _if Miu is here she would have spat on that guy or if she's here she would definitely tease me about it._

"Do you think it's possible if they delay it? I have some business to take care of." She hesitates. I feel like Miu is hiding something. But I don't want to ask her about it. If it is something important to both of us, I believe she'll eventually say it.

Have I trusted Miu too much? Have I grown to believe in her? These are the questions I struggle to find answer within myself. Just a week ago, she was accusing me of not trusting her, yet, now I feel at ease with whatever she's hiding. Evil is a part of her personality, and mysteriousness adds to her charm. So I am accepting her as she is, knowing the hollowness inside her, is this what it means to love someone?

"Well, from the look of them, I don't think they'd be happy if you want to cancel it."

"Oh, that's fine then. I'll just make a quick call."

…

A few hours ago.

Hisoka's POV

I narrow my eyes at the young woman in front of me. Miu Sinclair. There is a crook smile on her beautiful face. As usual, there is that arrogant air around her.

"Agree." I declare, breaking the silence.

"Good." Miu says. She must have already figured out that I would go along with her.

"I hope you can let my first plan go. Pretend it never happened." I say with a smile.

"Oh? Pretend that you never plan on having Machi kidnap Killua to use him as bait and lure me out? So you can trap me? I can let it slide." There was a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"By the way, I'm not trying to be sarcastic, I really don't give a shit about it now." She continues. Without a smile on her face, Miu looks just like a porcelain doll, her beauty is such a rare thing that I find her fascinating. And with that personality of hers, she is definitely my favorite toy now.

"I really didn't expect that response."

"Anyway, just to make sure…Machi won't notice this…she is not like us. She's not sly enough. There is no way she will betray others."

"Putting it like that, you're a very mean person."

"Says someone who will kill my friend tonight."

"Machi is like an interesting toy to me…not a friend. That's why compare to you, I'm not as heartless, you see."

"It's her fault she is messing with me in the first place."

"How will Kuroro take it though?" I say it aloud, half expecting an answer, half expecting her to ignore me.

"He's never going to find out that I am involved with this. Unless you want to rat me out." She speaks so casually that I see myself in her.

"We'd make a great team."

"What? With you?" I love seeing Miu's half surprised half annoyed face.

"Why not?"

"I think we'll just kill each other off."

"Oh…we can add Illumi in. Make it a trio. He balances us out."

"That makes sense. But hell, no. He's already close enough with you, I don't want him to like his friend more than his fiancé."

"Interesting. Is that how you express your jealousy?"

"So what?" She snaps back at me.

"It's cute."

She chuckles. That sneaky smile on Miu's face makes me want to crush her.

My hands trace the outline of her face, not in a sexual way, but as if I am trying to appreciate the beauty of it. When you look closely at someone's face, you see small moles, or pores, or wrinkles, something that tips off the illusion of beauty. Yet, even as close as our noses touch, there is no single flaw I can find on her.

Miu's huge green eyes look like a bottomless black hole. Mysterious to look at, but you'll fall and never get back out. This doesn't apply to me though, because I am the same as her. If human race is separated into categories, I am sure Miu and me would be in the same group. It is hard to explain, but we possess this same quality about us that I doubt anyone else will understand.

Does she even bleed, I wonder? The desire to make her beautiful body thorn apart, smear with red blood rises up. No, I must remain calm. It is not yet time to destroy my new toy. Despite this thought, my nails dig deep in her neck, causing a long scratch.

This is bad, I lost control for a few seconds and this happens.

Miu doesn't flinch or move, she stay perfectly still. For a second there, her eyes glimmer as if she had realized something, something that should have been shut off from her memory a long time ago.

"Hisoka. You shouldn't do this to other women. It can leave scars, you know." Miu chuckles.

"Is it ok with you then?"

"If I feel like it."

"Aren't you going to ask why?" Miu doesn't judge me, or give me a weird look. She was just there, observing my move. Letting me delve in.

"I know why."

"You do?"

"Yes. I know that feeling very well. My father was exactly like you, always craving, he would go on to destroy my mother. But never with me, I was his little angel."

"He must have tried very hard to keep your beauty holy and pure. It must be a pity if someone taint it."

"I was corrupted a long time ago."

…

Miu's POV

I find Kuroro name and press the dial button.

"Miu? Can you let me explain it first?" Kuroro's voice sounds alarming.

"Go ahead." I say, despite not having an idea what he's talking about. Oh well, I can tell him about my situation after this.

"Since you already heard this from Machi, I want to make things clear here. I don't want us to misunderstand each other again."

"Are you saying that you…?" My mind starts twirling. Is Kuroro confessing to me about his relationship with Machi? Is this what it's all about?

"Yes, I slept with her. But it is not because I love her."

"And I thought she was lying. Turns out I am the fool after all." I chuckle. Of course, I should have seen it coming. And what right do I have to get mad at him? I was the one who left him in the first place; yet, I don't like the idea of Machi sneaking behind my back. I knew Machi is in love with Kuroro, but I never thought she has any courage to make a move on him. I was too confident in myself and in Kuroro, I was too convinced that our relationship is great the way they are.

"I'm sorry."

"You know what, you can have sex with anybody and I would not care because it won't matter. But with Machi, I feel like you guys are just laughing behind my back." I hate being treated like a fool.

"I feel guilty about it. And Machi too...she values your friendship."

"How long has this been going on, really?" I didn't really want to know. I just don't know what else to say, I guess.

"It doesn't matter. Miu, I think you're getting too conceited with yourself. I told you I couldn't handle not being able to see you for weeks. And you didn't care because you are fine with it." Kuroro's voice is getting serious. He is angry and hurt.

"Well, what did you expect me to do? My life doesn't consist of you alone." The reply that I give him must anger him even more. But I say it anyway, because I feel like we have to say what we want to say right now, or things are going to get much worse for us.

"That's it. You prefer being with Illumi aren't you? And I never complain once about you having sex with him."

"I'm sorry, but I am his fiancé so technically it is completely right that I sleep with him. Are you acting jealous just now?"

"Yes. I want you to belong to me only."

"Not happening." I can feel my voice turning cold. I don't belong to anyone and even though I like that Kuroro is jealous because it means he loves me, I don't think I want that anymore. Unconsciously, I have moved beyond that. I'm just…happy with a person I can say anything with and knowing he will never push me off my boundaries.

Suddenly it hits me, that person is Illumi. He was just there and I feel comfortable talking to him, teasing Illumi is like the most amusing thing ever.

"Why are you laughing?" What Kuroro says makes me realize that just thinking about Illumi's face while I tease him can lift my mood that much. I might really like Illumi. And knowing these feelings are stronger than I thought, I felt scare.

"Miu?" Kuroro's voice brings me back to reality. It doesn't matter what argument we have with each other now, I still have to save Machi.

I won't be so cruel that I'd leave Machi to die. Since I was planning on helping her from Hisoka in the first place, but I can't go now because of the business with Zoldycks, I have to tell Kuroro about this. That was what I wanted to tell him before all of this anyway. That was why I called him.

"Kuroro, this is a really bad time for me to be telling you this, but, I need your help."

"Really, Miu? Really?" I know what an asshole I am right now.

"Machi's life is in danger."

…

Illumi's POV

With all the members of Zoldyck family present (except Alluka, of course), my mother and father look at me.

"I think it's time." Mother finally speaks after moments of silence.

"We want you and Miu to officially marry."

I don't know how to react. I just nod my head, without any hesitation or determination. I guess it doesn't matter for me whether we marry or not. But Miu…I wonder what Miu would feel about this. Her face remains passive, however.

Kalluto seems upset, I know he never likes Miu, but Killua on the other hand, looks really worried.

"What do you think, Illumi, Miu?" My father asks us. It is rare for him to ask my opinions on matters like this. I only tell him about my job and how I execute my plan. It was never about these personal feelings.

"Whatever is the best for our family." I answer dutifully.

"Wonderful!" Mother cries.

"It's my pleasure to join the Zoldycks." She smiles. Miu expresses her word gracefully. I don't know if she's faking it or if she is feeling the same as me.

"Now…we have more important arrangements to discuss." My father announces.

*pip pip*

"Sorry about that." Miu says, taking a quick look at her screen and put it aside.

*pip pip*

The sound comes up again. I can see my father is getting irritated with this. He was going to say something, but Miu speaks before him.

"Sorry…I just have to make this call."

"Make it quick." My father's deep, powerful voice echoes throughout the room. Miu quickly nods and leaves.

I wonder what is so important that she has to leave in the middle of this? If Miu wants to gain favor from my parents, this is definitely a bad move.

…

Miu's POV

"I can't leave right now." I say to Kuroro.

"Miu…listen to me."

"Machi is dead."

"What…" I stand there, frozen, numb. How? Why? It shouldn't have occurred this quick. What did Hisoka do?

"I was too late. Machi is already dead." Despite this horrible news, kuroro's voice managed to sound calm with a hint of hatred in it.

"No. It's my miscalculation. I shouldn't have trusted Hisoka." I should have known better. Knowing Hisoka, he is bound to have a few tricks up his sleeve.

"I need to see you right now."

"I…can't…."

"What do you mean you can't? You are with the Zoldycks isn't it?"

"I…"

"If you can't come out, I'm going in there."

"Wait! Don't!"

"…."

"Hello? Kuroro?"

"…"

"Damn it."

..

A/N

I know there's some readers who want Machi and Kuroro together but I have had this plot in mind since the beginning. Sorry for making this into a tragic plot for those who are looking for romance and something lighter. Please review and let me know what you guys think about this chapter. I know I left you guys in a cliffhanger last chapter and it was horrible so I'm leaving an even bigger cliffhanger this chapter:)


	10. Payback time

Machi's POV

This isn't how it was supposed to be. I agreed to see Hisoka just because he had helped me locate the whereabouts of Chain User. To fulfill my end of the bargain, he told me that I have to kidnap Killua to lure Miu out. However, there will be a slight change to that plan and he asked me to meet him.

"Miu was so eager to betray you." Hisoka's words cut through me like knife. I knew Hisoka wanted to kill me someday, but not this day, not this soon, and definitely not with Miu involved. The last time I talked with her, we got into an argument, but I didn't think that could drive her to do this to me.

_You will regret telling me this._

Her voice was calm and haunting with a mix of deep hatred in it. The moment I recalled these words, I know this is the end for me. It is a pity because we got along well, but then again, I was always jealous of her, and I knew there are moments when she hated me. Miu is a selfish person. That's why she envies my relationship with Dancho despite the fact that he clearly loves her more.

"You won't get away with this so easily, Hisoka." I said, staring hard at him and knowing that I will die soon. I have had too much damage; my body is unable to move anymore. It is a close fight, but Hisoka has always been sneakier than me and physically stronger.

"You will die and your precious Dancho won't save you. Miu is turning her back against you. No one will come for you." Hisoka moves his smiling face closer to mine. Those words can't hurt me. I know I have Genei Ryodan and my death will be avenged.

"Just get on with it, Hisoka." I spat. I am not afraid of death.

"Even in moment like this, you're still so cold to me. It's a pity I never get to see another side of you when you're with Kuroro." _That _again. He always seems to find ways to mention Dancho into the conversation because he knows Dancho is the only thing that can trigger any emotion in me.

"Any last words?" Hisoka's narrow yellow eyes gleams brightly, that reminds me so much of Miu. Even if she betrayed me, I don't feel any hatred towards her right now. I should be angry, but knowing my death is near, there is no use feeling hatred now. I don't believe in after life, I believe everything ends the moment you die.

"Can I ask you to do me a favor?"

"Hmm…What kind of favor?" within that few seconds Hisoka let his guard down, I use all the strength I have to pull the nen thread that I have been concealing from him with my aura. The thread isn't strong enough to slice Hisoka's limp, but it is enough to cause large opening on his shoulder. If he doesn't stitch it up soon, he can loose too much blood and die.

"I admire your spirit, Machi…it was fun while it lasted."

Hisoka's face is the last thing I see before everything else fades to black.

Kuroro's POV

Getting through the Zoldycks estate is not an easy task; mere humans definitely cannot pass through the first gate. But as member of Genei Ryodan, we all trained in physical strength and nen. Me, Feitan, and Franklin push the gates without much hassle. Despite this, I can't underestimate the Zoldycks because I was almost killed once when I faced Silva and Zeno at York Shin. I dare say that they have the most powerful nen I have ever seen, and I have seen a lot. I try to look calm, but I am actually dying the see Miu, to talk to her about all of this. I don't know if she is going to get married with Illumi or not, all I know is that Machi's death won't be in vain. And if she has any part in this, blood must be shed, even if it means hers.

Grrrrrrr

A big wolf is howling above us. A creature designed to obey only the Zoldycks and kill off any intruders. We don't want to waste anymore time so Franklin starts shooting the creature with nen bullets. Feitan and me quickly run away while Franklin is distracting it.

We face a girl who is standing alone in the middle of the forest.

"I can not let you pass this line." She says with determination in her eyes.

"I'm in a hurry." I quickly press her neck to render her unconscious. I could have killed her, but that would mean more dispute between Genei Ryodan and the Zoldycks. I would like to keep that to the minimum, I only came to get Miu.

Now the front building of Zoldycks estate is in a clear view.

…

Inside the Zoldycks estate, main dining room

Kalluto's POV

I'm angry. I'm angry because Killua nee didn't seem to mind this marriage at all despite knowing that Miu is unfaithful. I should have told mother about it. Wait…I can tell everyone now, right here, this moment, and let everyone know what Miu did to me. She didn't really hurt me, but making me unconscious is enough to make mother question Miu. I will take my revenge.

"Father, mother, I have something very important to tell you, it must be known before this marriage is official." I announce, my voice clear and loud. Everyone's attention turns to me. I catch a glimpse of Killua nee, his face is telling me to stop this. It is too late. I will not let Miu get away with this so easily. The world is so unfair, especially with Miu, who seems to get everything she wants, but not this time. I want to see her suffer.

"Miu Sinclair, Illumi nee's fiancé, even while she's engaged to him, she is seeing someone else." Miu's face shows no anger, surprise, or resentment. It was like she expected me to say it all along. I don't feel satisfied at all. The excitement that I had in me is all gone the moment I see her looking at me like she can see right through me.

"What are you saying? Miu, is this true?" my mother becomes restless. But before Miu can answer any questions, my father turns to me.

"Kalluto, explain this. Then we will ask Miu about what she has to say." His words are final; it has always been that way. I straighten up and continue.

"I saw Miu and Kuroro together."

"Kuroro, the Genei Ryodan's leader?" My mum asks, the laser at her eyes goes crazy.

"Yes, mother. And when I confronted Miu about it, she attacked me." I add. It is true. I haven't done anything wrong by saying this. But Killua nee looks at me accusingly. I feel like he will never forgive me for saying all this.

"How could you? Are you hurt, my child?" mother rushes to my side and eye Miu with suspicion.

"Miu, why did you do it? Is it because you love Kuroro?" I can feel that behind those lenses, her eyes are filled with tears. She really wanted Miu to be a part of us. And she is also angry, because she doesn't like being betrayed and because she must have thought that Miu would be smart enough to not mess with the Zoldycks. We do not take these actions lightly.

"Is that all, Kalluto?" Father asks me solemnly.

"Yes. That is all." I peer at Illumi nee, hoping to see some kind of reaction, but of course, as emotionless as he is, I see nothing has changed physically.

"Now, Miu, can you explain yourself?" Father's gaze falls upon Miu.

"Everything Kalluto just said is true. I have nothing to explain."

"So do you want to cancel this marriage then?"

"No. I want to marry Illumi."

"Then why did you do it?"

"That was before. I have made my decision and I swear that I will truly be a part of the Zoldycks from this point on."

"It is too late now. Kikyo, arrange for a new fiancé."

"I-" Miu starts but is interrupted almost immediately by Illumi nee.

"Father, I knew about it. I knew that Miu was seeing someone." Illumi nee's voice brings everyone's attention to him. Miu looks surprised at this confession. No one had expected it. I always thought Miu was using Illumi nee. But why would he keep this a secret? And how long have he known this?

"I don't think it changes anything really. Miu is still Miu. I don't think you can expect us, who didn't know each other at all, to suddenly become really close. For us, we have always kept a certain distance and gradually lessen it in our own pace. I want to love in such a way that the person I love feels free. Miu has made her choice and that is all that matters now." Something has changed about Illumi nee. He was always so controlling and manipulative, especially towards Killua nee. It's obvious he used to think that 'love' means 'control.' Right now, however, it's different. When did Miu have this much impact on him? Or is it that they both bring out the best of each other?

"Illumi, my son, I will not accept a woman who has betrayed a man. Especially when her affair is Kuroro. That man is dangerous. Miu is crossing the line."

Amid this tension, I glance at Miu and I can't believe what I see. There is tear on her face. Her expression doesn't change but I can see the tear rolling down her cheek. It was the most mysterious and beautiful thing I have ever seen. She looks almost vulnerable. And then she smiles at Illumi nee. I don't think anyone can ever hate her in that state. I completely forgot my hatred for her for a second there.

"Miu…" Illumi nee says her name and gently wipe her tears. His expression seems softer than usual.

"You know what, maybe we should talk about this again later, give them some time to settle this." Mother suggests. I can't make out how my father feels about all of this. Is he angry? Disappointed? Or is he happy that Illumi nee is capable of loving someone?

A butler came in, breaking the silence. He walks nervously and swiftly to my father, whispering something in his ear. There is a slight change of expression on his face. Something is happening.

"They are really good at hiding their auras." Father says.

"The Genei Ryodans are coming here. They are at the front building."

"Did you know anything about this? You better be honest." Despite father's calm surface, his aura is spreading.

"I warned them not to come." Miu answers immediately.

"I see. What do they want?"

"They just want to talk to me. Please let me settle this. I'll leave right now."

"No, stay. Let them come. I'm curious to hear what they have to say about you."

…

Illumi's POV

*tud*

The door opens loudly. The man standing in front of us is no one else, but Kuroro. Behind him are two other men I assume are the Genei Ryodan members. One has a scarf over his mouth and gives off a violent aura. The other person looks much calmer and with bigger build.

"I need to talk to Miu." Kuroro demands.

"Illumi, I will have to take her with me for now." He says and quickly snatches her.

"Why?" I turn to ask him.

"I'm not trying to break off your marriage. This is something else entirely." I stare back at him and take a step back. If this is something between them, I shouldn't meddle in it.

"What is it then?" Father's powerful voice echoes throughout the room.

"She killed one of us." Kuroro answers, his gaze falls on Miu.

"Miu?" I call her name. If this is true, something must be done about Miu. I know the Genei Ryodan will take revenge on all of their member's death. Knowing her, she will manage to get herself out of the mess somehow. But we're talking about Kuroro here, not to mention all the other members. I know him, but we're not close enough for me to know if he's going to kill her. If he really loves Miu, he'll kill her. He will kill to avenge the death in the name of love. And Miu won't fight back because she is not afraid of dying in the hands of kuroro.

"Illumi, I'll be back. And Kikyo and Silva, I'm sorry for all the trouble."

"I'll see you again?" Killua says, half pleading.

"Wait for me until then."

I am afraid that will be the last time I see her.

…

Miu's POV

Machi's lifeless body is covered in blood and stench. Hisoka didn't even bother to cover the body, but then again, it's Hisoka we're talking about. I bend down to touch her face.

"Care to explain why Machi was already dead before I got here?" Kuroro's icy voice makes me shiver. He can be really scary when he is angry.

"I was tricked. My agreement with Hisoka wasn't supposed to be like this." I must have looked too calm because Kuroro grab my wrist and squeeze it tightly.

"Are you even sad that Machi is gone now?"

"Of course I am. She is my friend." I spat. Just because I don't show my emotions doesn't mean I don't feel anything. Am I supposed to weep in front of her body right now? Is that what he means by being sad?

"Kuroro, you know well I won't let Hisoka harm her."

"Yes. But why would you plan this with him in the first place? What do you get out of this?" Kuroro is desperate for an explanation. He has lost his most loyal member of the troupe and he will lose me.

"I was in an argument with Machi. That drove me to make this decision." I confess. He will blame me for her death anyway, might as well tell the truth. And to be honest, I also have a part in killing her. It is also my fault.

"I'm sorry."

"It pains me to do this to you, Miu." He says, but his eyes betray him. I see it, in that instant, he is filled with lust to hurt me. With Feitan and Franklin beside him, I know there is no use resisting now.

"Feitan, take her to the cell."

"As you say."

…

Feitan's POV

I glance up just before I cut Miu's pinky finger. There is no fear in her eyes. When I cut it with a knife, she doesn't let out a single sound. This doesn't give me the satisfaction I needed at all.

"I could damage that pretty face of yours." I say, observing her reaction to that. This should make her wall breaks, even if a little.

"Do it. I will turn old and ugly anyway."

"You really don't care about that?" That comes as quite a shock to me. Maybe she's just faking it. I press my knife against her pale skin. Her green eyes looking directly at me and I see no fear. I thought she values beauty more than anything.

"I care but in the end we all die and nothing matters."

I slowly slid my blade across her cheek, stream of blood runs down her face. No words escape Miu's mouth. I could have done more damage, but I stop playing with her cheek at that. I don't plan on having her electrocuted; I know too well that she has resistance towards it.

"Well, next is your eye. Left or right?" Dancho said I could torture her all I want. I think he let me do this because he knows Miu deserves punishment but he couldn't bring himself to really torture her.

"Take both if you want." She dares.

"That's too quick for this." I reply, using the knife in my hand to take out her left eye. Blood spatters all over and yet Miu clenches her teeth. She bites her lip so hard it's bleeding but she won't scream. I have never tortured anyone with so much tolerance and determination.

"This isn't fun at all. You don't scream and you're not afraid." I complain, throwing the knife away.

"Sorry about that." She manages to smile at me. With one hollow eye and blood all over her face, she looks really creepy I couldn't bear looking directly at her.

"I'll keep this then." I show her eyeball in my hand.

"You're welcome." It baffles me how she can put up a front like this. I don't feel like torturing her anymore. But I need to do it because she is the reason Machi died, even if she didn't kill Machi directly.

"I never liked you. In fact, I hated you from the first time I saw you." I confess, not knowing why I'm telling her this. I still remember the first day I met her when she was sitting with Machi at a café.

"Don't tell me because I remind you of Hisoka?"

"True…But that's not all."

"Sometimes you just hate someone for no reason. I know I do." She shrugs. I never knew Miu could be so carefree. Maybe she's faking it. Still, there's a limit to how much you can fake while being tortured. Ah, I almost forgot she's a Sinclair, coming from an assassin family; she was trained to endure all kinds of torture from an early age.

"I'm going to get band aid." If she loses too much blood right now she will die. This is still too early for that. Besides, I kind of admire her a little. No one has been able to resist my torture as much as her. I would love to play with her more.

…

Miu's POV

I almost drift into sleep when I hear footsteps coming closer. With only light from candle and one eye left, I squint my eye to see the person better. At first I thought it was Feitan, but this person is taller…that fur coat must be…

"Kuroro?" My voice cracks. I can taste the blood in my mouth.

"Yeah. It's me."

"How are you doing?" I ask.

"I'm fine."

"Me too." I would have laughed if my face doesn't hurt this much.

"I should have known better. I thought you were weaker than this." I couldn't make out his face but I see he's handing me a water bottle. I take it and take a quick gulp. That feels much better.

"I'm not strong. It's just that…I have given up on life a long time ago. You should know. We are the same in that way." He sits down next to me.

"Do you want to go home?"

"Home? I don't have a home." I don't consider the Sinclair's place my home. I thought I was getting close to calling the Zoldycks estate my home, but that's not happening anymore.

"What about Illumi?"

I try to not think about him. I have never liked anyone as much as I like Illumi, that's for sure. What is he doing right now? I really want to know if he can forgive me, but maybe I don't deserve forgiveness. I deserve to be left in the dark alone.

"I don't want to see him. Or anyone."

"What would you do? If I let you go right now…"

"Oh, I don't know." But the truth is, I would track down Illumi. I just want to see how he's doing. But I daren't show my face to him. It's not just because of the state I'm in now, but after what I have done, I shouldn't be with him anymore. I know Kuroro doesn't buy it. He knows me well enough that I would do something.

"Despite your current stage, you still manage to impress me."

"Oh? I thought beauty is the only thing I have. I mean _had_."

"You're more than that." Why does he say these kinds of things to me? To comfort me? Make me feel better about myself? It makes me want to laugh.

"Kuroro, you can't even harm me, letting Feitan do all of this, when have you gotten this weak?" I challenge him. That seemed to get him quite heat up. He slaps my face, from that strength, he didn't hold out at all, did he? I can taste the fresh blood in my mouth.

"Does that make you feel better?" the numb feeling starts to overcome my face in place of the soreness.

"Did Illumi know about your past?" He asks me, ignoring my question.

"Yes." I lie. He doesn't know.

"When it comes to Illumi, you're see-through." A small smile spreads across his face.

"You have to admit sooner or later the Zoldycks will find out that you can't have children. They won't think twice about finding a new fiancé because what's the point if there's no one from Illumi to continue Zoldyck's legend."

...

A/N

I know it's been so long since my last update. I'm really sorry *bows*

With Machi's death and all these conflicts, I understand if anyone wants to stop reading. There will only be more tragedy after this. Also, this fic will end in a few more chapters. Thanks for reading and please review!


	11. The truth

I know it's been decades since the last chapter. I don't know if anyone still remembers the story line or still waiting for it anymore, but here's the new chapter.

...

I have never told anyone except Kuroro that I was born with a defect. I could never have children. The doctor said there was no way to help me and I accepted it. Sometimes I imagine what it would feel like to have a part of me in someone, but most of the time I have no desire for children. My mother tried desperately to cover up this fact and maybe that's why she made me engage with illumi without letting Zoldycks know the truth. I wonder what plan she hatched up to fool them until it is time they find out. The moment Illumi accepted me as his fiancé I thought I could never let him know this. He will see that I am not as useful as he thought I was. I don't fit the criteria to be his fiancé.

I heard a sob.

"Why did you have to do it? You and Hisoka killed Machi. I couldn't forgive you for that…I couldn't…yet…" His voice cracks. I have never seen him cry like that. This is not like when Uvo died, this is different. Machi is special, even though I knew that, I still played with her life, like she's just a piece in the game.

"…I still need you, Miu" Kuroro, he should hate me. He has to.

"No..."

Tears run down my face, I can taste the bitterness of it.

The more he loves me the more I will ruin him. I will take my darkness and I will push it inside him.

"So what now?" I asked him.

"I have to kill you, because if it's not me, one of us Genei Ryodan will." He pulls out a short knife and pushes it slowly on my neck. The red stream of blood trickles down. Weird, more than the physical pain, me head hurts. It really hurts that I have to close my eyes. I see someone who should not have been there, in my memory.

Flashback

Blood. There was so much blood. My uncle lies there on the ground. No matter how much it is snowing, it can never take away that red blood.

"Miu, look carefully, this is the man who ruined you." The young man calls me. He has a red hair and is using a knife to stab my uncle repeatedly.

"Here. You do it too." He turns to me and hands me the knife. Hisoka. Why is he here? Why is he killing my uncle? I thought my uncle was killed by someone else. The me at that time stabs him too with everything I got. That was the first time I ever felt someone else's blood on my skin, it calms me down.

"Remember because you were weak, you let yourself become the victim. So from this point on, you let that power inside you out. Be the worst you could be, and no one can ever hurt you again." He speaks and pats my shoulder lightly. When my uncle's breathing stops, I pause and observe his corpse. How could I ever be so weak as to let this man take advantage of me like that? Then it all comes to me…I was not born with a defect. I could have children just fine. Everything changes however, when this man, my own uncle, raped me. He took me by force and kept me with him. He used me until he was satisfied and gave me back to my parents without them suspecting a thing. The moment my period stopped coming, I was afraid I'd get pregnant, but instead the doctor said that man destroyed my inside. He violated me so much I could never have children. I could not wait anymore. I had to take my revenge so I went to kill my uncle. It did not go as plan, however. I was young and he had a strong nen. Instead, I ended up almost getting killed by him, if not for Hisoka.

….

It was quiet as if there was not a living soul. A snowstorm grew stronger, turning the landscape into white color. Among those pile of snow laid a little girl. She was buried deep under the snow, and her body's temperature had dropped below the normal standard. She's dying. A boy about a few years older used his hands to dig the snow, searching for her body.

It was getting dark when he found her. Her rosy lip is now pale and her face had turned white. He breathes slowly to regain his strength and scrutinized his surrounding. But it was hard because of the snowstorm.

I have to find a place to stay…He thought and walked his way slowly but steadily, holding the girl in his arms.

Luck was with them because he found a small cottage. It was empty and old, but this is more than enough. He laid the girl on the floor carefully and picked up some wood to start fire.

It was not until several hours later that he managed to succeed and with a little heat, she woke up.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, touching her body to feel the temperature. It was still cold, but a lot better than before.

"Huh…What happened?" She rubbed her eyes as if she had just wake up from a normal sleep.

"Your uncle tried to bury you."

"He didn't succeed then."

"Clearly. But without my help you might not even be here now."

"I didn't ask for it."

"Just a thank you would be enough."

She pursed her lip and looked around then her green eyes darted back to the boy's face.

"Where are we?"

"From what I can make out, we're quite far from the mansion. This is north to the…."

"What happened to him?"

"I paralyzed him. He will be ready when we go back to kill him, don't worry. I save the best for last, for you."

"What a pain. I wasn't able to kill him."

"It's still too early for you. Besides, you could not think straight with that much passion for revenge."

I remain quiet because he is right.

"If you're strong enough mentally and physically you would have been able to handle it on your own."

"Why did you show up there anyway?"

"Mum was asking me to look for you. I didn't want her to punish me if I am to bring your lifeless body back."

"But deep down, you couldn't care less if I died, right? The truth is you wanted to kill that man. To test your own ability."

"You see through me."

"You should have left me there to die, Hisoka."

I remember now, how, after my uncle realizes I will kill him, he knocked me. The next time I wake up Hisoka already rescued me from him. I told him everything, about the rape, how I could not have children. Although he did not know why I wanted to kill him at first, he kept that man alive for me, a brother instinct I guess.

"I did it. We did it." I drop the knife down. I was laughing and crying. I felt free.

"Yes, sister." He smiles, a devilish yet genuine smile.

….

When I open my eyes again, Kuroro quickly rushes to my side.

"Hey, Miu.." he nudges me.

"Kuroro…I remember…the real reason I can't have children."

"Wha-"

"Hisoka. I have to talk to him."

"What do you mean?"

"It was like this part of my memory has been sealed this whole time and it came back."

Why did I forget? Someone must have sealed my memory, but why? It was too much for me at that time? Is that it? I need to find out, at least before I die here.

"Miu…I'm sorry. I knew about it." He confessed, not making eye contact.

"Why would you hide it from me?" What I hate the most is a liar. It does not matter if it's a white lie, I would rather have an awful truth than lies. All this time, I have trusted Kuroro, we have been close. Yet, he hides this from me.

"After the incident with your uncle, you became uncontrollable, your power is overwhelming and Hisoka pushed you beyond the limit. At that time, you came to me and told me you wanted to runaway from your family, from everything, with your brother."

"Why…"

"Hisoka longed for freedom from the assassin family he was born in, as we both know, he's a free spirit, he can't be tied down like that, and he did not want to take you with him at that time. He knew you had a talent for this job and that your parents high hopes for you but not him. So…he told your mother about your plan to escape and she wiped your memories about your uncle, about everything surrounding the accident, and the existence of Hisoka so you would never stray from the assassin path again."

"And how did you know all this?"

"Hisoka told me and made me promise that I won't tell you the truth."

I shove him away. I felt lost. Who am I really? I never thought about abandoning this assassin path, yet, the me ten years ago seriously wanted to. I lost track of who I am. I feel like I'm living in an empty vessel, with no soul. Am I going to die like this?

"I need to talk to Hisoka at least before I die. You know I'm willing to let you kill me and torture me, do whatever you want to do. So for now just let me go." I plead.

He stares at me and slowly undoes the chain on my ankles.

…

Killua's POV

Zoldyck's estate

"Now that I've found Miu, it scares me witless to think of anything happening to her. I'm not used to being…afraid."

How can my brother be so blind? He definitely loves her. He's even admitting his feelings, that's something I never imagined would come from him.

"I don't know what to do, Killu."

"You have to help her. _We_ have to help her."

"This is the Genei Ryodan we're talking about. You're still no match for them." He concurred.

"Then do something, aniki!"

"But what if it is Miu's wish?"

"You mean she wants to be with that stupid Genei Ryodan leader?"

"Kind of."

"You don't know that. Find her and ask her yourself. Do something, prove that she is important to you." Illumi looks deep in thought.

*pip pip*

Aniki looks at his phone and his eyes widen.

"It's Miu," he says.

He clicks answer as I glance at him hopefully. Is Miu ok? What happened at the Genei Ryodan headquarters? What about Kuroro and the others? A million questions pop in my head.

"Miu? Are you alright?" He asks through the phone, my heart is throbbing in my chest, scared that something bad could have happened to her. Illumi nods at me reassuringly after he hears an answer. That's all I need to know for now. I walk out the room and leave them to their privacy.

…


End file.
